Dear SOS,
At 2:30 a.m. on Halloween night, I was awakened by a fire alarm in Wren. Luckily, I was wearing clothes, and could make my exit pretty painlessly. However, a couple of my suitemates were in compromising situations that made for some awkward predicaments. What's the proper etiquette for fire alarms?
Sincerely,
Infernal Inquisitor
Dear Infernal Inquisitor,
As a fellow Wren resident, I feel your pain.Like you, I was asleep, and thus could barely keep my eyes open to witness the quasi-state of mayhem instigated by that middle-of-the-night fire drill. But I did notice a few things:
Some members of my suite sat passed out against a nearby bike rack, while others attempted to thwart boredom on their laptops. (See, saving your laptop from potential incineration can be dually beneficial. Same goes with your retainers - if you wear them outside, you'll provide your friends with plenty of entertainment and you will have rescued hundreds of dollars of orthodontia from the flames.)
I also noticed that hardly anyone was still in costume, which surprised me, since the bulk of the residents had returned from their Halloween festivities only an hour or so before. This reveals a good tip - it is always best to change out of your ensemble before going to bed just in case of a nighttime fire drill, especially if you have just attended an event or themed party in attire that would, at 2 a.m., seem particularly jarring (i.e. "Euro Trash"), non-conducive to weather conditions (i.e. "Hawaiian") or altogether flammable (i.e. "Wrapping Paper").
This brings me to my next topic: showering. If you are lucky enough to hear the sonorous fire alarm mid-deep-conditioning treatment, you are pretty much limited to one option: rinse, re-assess and run. Although it may seem like the shower is the safest place to be during a fire, your best bet is to exit and follow suit with the rest of your hallmates (preferably sans terrycloth).
Another issue pertinent to the subject, especially to the instance on Halloween, is fire drill hookup etiquette. And no, I'm not talking mid-drill hookups (although I know many a friend with a fireman fetish, so I wouldn't discredit the idea), but about having guests over who are not native to your dwelling.
Although my safety-driven conscience wants me to tell you to be primarily concerned that your guest may not know where the fire exits are, the imminent social repercussions may be more foremost in your thoughts. First, you need to assess whether you want to continue with your hookup after the fire drill. If so, she/he is going to need to accompany you outside, instead of just running back to her/his non-flaming dorm.
If that's the case, make sure that you are both fully clothed - in your own clothing (a run of shame is just as shameful as the walk). Second, make sure that you are okay with making your activities very public knowledge. There gets to be a certain time of night when "studying for your anatomy quiz" just doesn't work as an excuse.
The last group of people to consider are the perpetrators. After talking to a few accidental instigators of past alarms, the general consensus seems to be as follows: If you set off the alarm in your own room, you might as well fess up to your acts. They will find you. If the act was executed in a common area, drop the evidence and run.
Just hope there's some kid who didn't read this article and is wandering out of his dorm with a girl in a towel. He can take the focus off of you.
Contact Charlotte to get advice for all your problems at Charlotte.Steinway@tufts.edu.
