After a 15-hour camping trip in Tisch, you navigate out between towering book stacks and trek your way up to the printers. Print, staple and feel so damn good.
That type of satisfaction is especially sweet because it was you who worked hard all day to write that paper. You got all the research done and somehow made it all make perfect, coherent sense. All you. Badass number one right here.
I know I'm not the only nerd who feels proud after finishing a lot of work. Being a productive, efficient, real person in college is a hard task! Getting things done all by yourself and having confidence in them afterwards is such a gratifying experience.
There's nothing quite like the feeling of total self-sufficiency.
Now, as fabulous as it is to have a competent partner in the bedroom, the same satisfaction from our independence applies in bed.
For a moment, just reflect how awesome it is that we are capable of achieving the same euphoric rush of dopamine and serotonin in our brains as a heroin injection all by ourselves. No assistance necessary.
That type of power is really remarkable. A body-numbing, euphoric high sans illegal poison? I'll take it.
It's certainly no wonder that 98 percent of undergraduate guys have masturbated and that they do it an average of 12 times per month, according to a study from the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality.
Masturbating is one of the most gratifying examples of self-sufficiency. To name a single benefit: orgasms.
Do you remember your first orgasm? Was it at the hand of another or your own marvelous doing?
If the first time you orgasmed was with someone else, it should have sparked a series of really critical questions: How did he just do that? Shouldn't I be able to do that? Why can't I feel my face? Will you please do that again?
And from there, you should have initiated a little investigation into your anatomy.
For boys, I'm going to go ahead and assume you discovered all the great tricks your partner in crime could do during some solo training. And if you didn't, you probably asked a series of rather different questions after your first orgasm.
Whatever the case, having an orgasm is a hugely adored experience, because it really is that great. Everything around you blurs a little, your body tingles and numbs at the same time, and life just makes so much sense.
Why would you ever deprive yourself of such pleasure? Between the carnal pursuit of self-indulgence and the mind-blowing gratification of acting on it, masturbation is the culmination of hedonism and pride. Regardless of the sins involved, how can you criticize something when the result is orgasmic?
There should be absolutely no shame in masturbating. Being familiar with your own body is crucial for healthy sexuality. If you don't know what feels good and where, then how can you expect a partner to know?
Being in touch with your body is key. In an environment of external expectations, where papers are due and tests are scheduled, there are very few activities that are totally under your control. Having 100 percent authority over your own enjoyment, void of external requirements or influences, is pretty rare.
What could give you greater satisfaction than being the captain of a purely pleasure-seeking experience where you win from start to finish?
After a long day of doing hard work for other people, some selfish indulgence is definitely in order. No need for a helping hand - you've got everything you need right at your fingertips.
Lara Levi is a junior majoring in art history. She can be reached at lara.levi@tufts.edu.
