Congrats to the Boston Bruins on finally avoiding my column this week! In this edition, however, we don't stray completely from the ice, as some hockey happenings were just too scandalous to go unmentioned. We'll also get a little confused about Tony Romo.
3. Sean, john. Last week, I came out of my comfort zone when I spoke out against the New York Rangers organization. This week, I came across another story involving the Blueshirts - this time concerning the Eliot Spitzer-esque qualities of Rangers bruiser and the most hated man in hockey, forward Sean Avery.
It was recently discovered that Avery, who seems to have a new model girlfriend each week, was referenced in the address book of a Manhattan madam. Reportedly, Avery's name and cell-phone number were listed alongside a $500 charge in the book, which is connected to the escort service Maison de L'Amour.
Sean, my advice is to cut your ties to this hooker immediately. Whether you're an NHL star or the governor of New York, it never pays to be a john in the public eye. Before this situation gets worse, I'll categorize it as an error.
2. A column first. Several Internet sources reported this week that Tony Romo (yes, Tony Romo) has possibly married pop sensation (I'm not really sure what to call her, actually) Jessica Simpson. This past Tuesday, Simpson's mother Tina was leaving a restaurant when she was asked by paparazzi if she saw wedding bells in the distance for her daughter and the ever-dreamy Romo. "Jessica is already married to Tony! What are you talking about?" she replied, much to the surprise of, well, everyone.
When asked to respond, Jessica said, "Well I guess if my mom said it, it must be true!"
No, I'm not going to say marrying Jessica Simpson is a calamity, or an error or even a big mistake, for that matter. Truth be told, I'm very happy for both of them. Their marriage most likely means Tony will have a few more solid games this season with his good luck charm cheering from the stands. I think I'll leave this situation as unclassified for now, and see how it plays out.
1. Aren't they cute together? This week, NHL Hall of Fame goalie Patrick Roy passed the family tradition of exploding like a powder keg on to his 19-year-old son Jonathan. In this touching father-son relationship, Jonathan currently tends the net for junior hockey's Quebec Remparts, while Patrick stands behind the bench as head coach. In a recent lengthy brawl during a blowout game against the Chicoutimi Sagueneens, Jonathan grew bored of watching the battle unfold from the confines of his goal.
In one of the classic YouTube (in French!) moments of the year, Roy began skating toward opposing goaltender Bobby Nadeau to spice things up. He was restrained by the referee but to no avail - he soon broke free and found himself one on one with his nemesis netminder, who chose helplessly not to fight back as Roy pummeled him, punch after punch, to the ice.
When he finally exited the arena stage right, Roy gave not one, but two glorious middle fingers to the stunned spectators. Suspensions were a must - seven games and $500 to the son, as well as five games to his father. What can we say? Jonathan, go watch "Fight Club" a few times before your next game and get all the bad urges out of your system. You're a disgrace to the credibility of hockey, and that's why you earn the calamity of the week.
Jeremy Strauss is a sophomore majoring in environmental studies. He can be reached at Jeremy.Strauss@tufts.edu.
