Neither of my parents understand the subtle advantages of sending a text message instead of just making a phone call. I've tried to explain why it's easier to just ask a blunt question instead of making small talk or how it sometimes feels awkward calling someone you don't know well.
However, they still don't get why I often prefer to type out a message when it would just be easier to call. A lot of times they're right — calling would simplify many situations. Text messages are nice conveniences when you want to cut the small talk, yet they often provide us with the worst headaches.
There are many potential text mishaps that occur when we take the easy way out to communicate.
First off, there are some subjects that just shouldn't be brought up in two-sentence messages. Think twice about topics that are a little more serious and warrant some discussion. For example, I was out with a friend a few weeks ago and his girlfriend sent him a text along the lines of, "oh btw, i got birth control today."
Talk about being blunt. My friend and I sat there and bounced back and forth over how to respond to her declaration. We considered, "great! now i don't have to worry about impregnating you!"
But would she understand the joke? What kind of response was she expecting anyway — doesn't birth control warrant a real conversation?
Besides serious subjects, breakups and date invitations are also not text message appropriate. It's one thing if you're already mid-text-conversation and suggest hanging out later in the week, but don't wimp out of a phone conversation if you're aiming for a real date. Breaking up via text? It just reminds me of that infamous "Sex and the City" episode in which a guy breaks up with Carrie through a message on a Post-It note. The least you should do is have an actual talk about it.
Another issue is message misinterpretation. It's convenient and straightforward to mass-text your pre-orientation group to meet up for dinner or to remind a housemate to pick up milk, but it's also quite easy to cause a 160-character disaster when intended sarcasm goes awry or punctuation marks are taken too seriously.
Just the other weekend, I tried to coax my boyfriend into putting his homework down for the evening (it was Saturday night!) and stopping by my house, but he put his foot down and said that he had a lot to do.
I texted back, "OK…" in the I-understand-but-I'm-still-a-little-sad sense, but he took my ellipsis as a guilt trip-esque sigh. When he responded with, "don't make me feel guilty. i feel bad enough already," I assumed he was using an angry tone of voice.
When we caught up a little later, we cleared things up. He realized I didn't mean to guilt-trip him, and I realized his message was one of I'm-stuck-in-Tisch-on-a-Saturday-night despair, not anger.
Another friend told me how a girl on his hall texted a high-school flame about hooking up over Thanksgiving. "You. Me. Thanksgiving. Done." she texted him in a we're-all-set-and-I'm-excited kind of way. But he took it to mean "we're over." Oops.
I know text messages seem like a frivolous subject, but the point is, most of us have worried over one at some point. Sometimes I get a little anxious if someone doesn't respond right away to an "important" message. But then I remember how many calls and texts I've accidentally missed and how ridiculous it is to get bent up over a tiny little message.
So think twice before you hit send and take a page out of our elder generation's book when an actual phone conversation is needed. And don't even get me started about "sexting."
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
