Dear Gossip Girl,
We were promised a threesome. You didn't deliver. We want our money back.
Dan, Vanessa and Olivia smooched, and that was it. That's not a threesome, that's second grade!
Before Monday night's episode aired, parent watchdog groups were up in arms over the fact that you were going to be promoting free love and premarital sex, but a kiss doesn't even count. What a cop-out. No one would've known about this pants party if it wasn't announced beforehand. It was a publicity stunt — just admit it.
Your lack of a threeway disturbs us. What if all TV shows made promises and then just didn't follow through? What if "30 Rock" promised to be funny one week and wasn't? Or if "American Idol" had no singing on an episode? Or if "House Hunters" featured a couple shopping for boats? If you say you're going to have young people making mistakes, you have an obligation to make that happen.
What a tease, "Gossip Girl." What a tease. And another thing: Who is the Gossip Girl?!
Choose your genre and stick to it. Either be a tease of a teen drama, or a prep-school procedural. You can't be both. Granted, we don't actually watch Gossip Girl, but we've seen an episode and we feel that you're too confused. It's a problem, and this talk has been a long time coming.
In conclusion: ménage á trois? More like ménage á-hah!
Sincerely,
The Daily Arts Department
