Ah, Thanksgiving. A holiday combining two of our top three favorite things: family and gravy. Yet our third favorite thing, movies, is inexplicably absent. It makes no sense! Other holidays get their own movies. We could spend weeks rattling off Christmas movies; even Hannukah has Adam Sandler's "Eight Crazy Nights" (2002). What a "farkakte" movie that was! Halloween films get horror, and you can always count on a couple of romantic comedies in the middle of February. Even the relatively obscure Groundhog Day got the 1993 eponymous, existential comedy starring Bill Murray.
Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays, but there are only a handful of Thanksgiving films. So, we want to salute Turkey Day and give some reasons why movie executives should pump out some scripts for scrumptious screenings.
Considering that more than 60 percent of our nation is overweight, Thanksgiving is a "hefty" occasion. Furthermore, Americans nationwide do the same thing each Thanksgiving: eat an exorbitant amount and slowly digest in front of the television, usually by watching Thanksgiving football. Yet, few filmmakers have decided to capitalize on the laziness of the holiday by creating Thanksgiving-based films. Sure, plenty of movies come out next Thursday, such as "The Road," "Ninja Assassin" and the expanded release of "Precious." But these movies don't revolve around the holiday itself. Come on, people! You're willing to make three "The Santa Clause" (starting in 1994) movies, but not a single flick with some pilgrims and Native Americans chowin' down on corn and cranberry sauce?
Most would argue that the kid flicks that come out during youngsters' five-day weekends are "Thanksgiving films." But we think that's a steaming pile of … mashed potatoes. Honestly! We're pumped for the upcoming "Fantastic Mr. Fox," but trying to equate kid films to Thanksgiving is like substituting a Tofurkey for the real deal.
The only mainstream Thanksgiving films worth mentioning are Jodie Foster's "Home for the Holidays" (1995), Woody Allen's "Hannah and Her Sisters" (1986) and "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" (1987). (Oh, John Candy, you silly mog.) We give thanks to these films for trying, but we expect more out of the genre. These Thanksgiving films follow the same pattern that most Christmas films do — slathering a mediocre story with the syrupy holiday theme. Sure, Turkey Day provides the framework for a cute family comedy, but there is more character to the holiday that is yet to be manipulated in film.
For example, we enjoyed "A Christmas Story" (1983) just as much for capturing the essence of childhood as for satirizing Christmas traditions. That was a film that lovingly made fun of the holidays. Kind of like "Bad Santa" (2003), which, in our opinion, is still Billy Bob Thornton's crowning achievement.
We don't think we're asking for too much. All we want is a film that pokes fun at some Thanksgiving traditions. There are so many aspects of this holiday that would be perfect to lampoon, from the binge-eating on Thursday to the potentially murderous shopping spree on Black Friday. Thanksgiving is a wholly American tradition, so it's only fit that we make a real American Thanksgiving movie. And nothing's more American than gratuitous violence and nudity! Enter Eli Roth's "Thanksgiving," a fake trailer in "Grindhouse" (2007) that pays homage to John Carpenter's "Halloween" (1978). Instead of idealizing the holiday, Roth bastes his film with guts and gore galore. And just like "A Christmas Story," we can picture TBS showing the film for all 24 hours of the Thanksgiving holiday. Take that, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! You're just a harlot for Ronald McDonald, the Nesquik Bunny and other corporate mascots, anyway.
--
Zach Drucker and Chris Poldoian are sophomores who have not yet declared majors. They can be reached at Zachary.Drucker@tufts.edu and Christopher.Poldoian@tufts.edu, respectively.
