Dear Tareq and Michaele Salahi,
Last week you snuck in to a White House dinner. You were effectively the first gatecrashers to ever gatecrash the White House. We'll admit that's impressive. But, nevertheless, you're both morons.
Let us explain:
We all want to be best friends with President Obama. He seems like a cool guy; he's our basketball playing, drug taking, chill-chill-bro of a leader. But you can't just show up uninvited to one of his rockin' parties. What if we did that to you? What if we just showed up to your house in somewhat offensive clothing (Michaele was wearing a sari to a dinner being held for the Prime Minister of India … weirdo)? You probably wouldn't like that too much, huh? At your house it's just called being rude. At the President's house it's called being a threat to national security.
This is not "Wedding Crashers" (2005). The stunt you pulled is more like "Let's Go to Prison" (2006).
We sincerely hope you don't get chosen to be on the planned "Real Housewives of Washington DC" because then your stupidity would have paid off. We won't be watching.
Best,
The Daily Arts Department
P.S. You are cordially not invited to our next dinner party.
