Dear Black Eyed Peas (but mostly Fergie),
We in the Daily Arts Department, have some problems with your new music video. We know you liked "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" (2009), but your new 10-minute-long extravaganza for "Imma Be Rocking That Body" is balls-out insane.
It opens with you guys in a recording studio with will.i.am presenting a new machine that is essentially a Black Eyed Peas automated robot. It then proceeds on a trippy voyage from a desert to a diner to a futuristic city with giant, menacing, glitching robots. These robots then start to dance, and they may have moves, but your video most certainly does not. It's weird. And, when it ends, with your "victory" over these gyrating robots, all we have to say is that we wish you hadn't won. But, one of its most glaring problems is the video's heroine, Fergie.
Fergie, darling, you wake up in the morning NOT feeling like P. Diddy, and that's pretty evident in this video. In one of the first scenes you're suddenly in a desert? And you're not wearing pants? OK, now that's just a "Single Ladies" (2009) rip-off with more reptiles. Then you stalk into a diner and continue to gyrate? Not cool. Finally, when you wake up from this epic "dream" and announce that you just had a great idea for a video, we would like to tell you that you are wrong. So wrong. So wrong, in fact, that we don't think there'll be any London Bridges coming down for you anytime soon. And we recommend that you stick to your … eh … more cultivated talents (mainly screaming "I like that boom boom POW!").
And that goes for the rest of you, Peas. We didn't like this video. We think you've got better stuff, and frankly, if things continue the way they are, we're going to support the giant, dancing robots in the next robot-Peas showdown.
Love,
The Daily Arts Department
