Around midnight a few nights ago, I decided I was bored of sitting in my dorm room and wanted to take a walk to the library roof. I invited my friends who were in my room to come along, but the response I received was, "Well, we'll come if you don't want to go by yourself and get raped and killed." Out of context, this might sound like a totally morbid comment, but my friends and I have often talked about rape in a joking manner and as a remote possibility that could never actually happen to us.
As we near the end of Domestic Violence Awareness Month this October, I have realized two major problems with the way my friends responded to my question. First, those of us who have not been directly affected by domestic abuse find it too easy to make light of an issue that hurts thousands of Americans each year. Second, when we think of "domestic abuse," sexual or physical assaults are the first forms of abuse that come to mind. Domestic abuse can be both physical and psychological, and it occurs in a variety of relationships in numerous settings.
While providing resources to victims and highlighting their stories are certainly important parts of raising awareness about domestic abuse, we often fail to discuss the characteristics and actions of abusers. Emphasizing preventative measures to identify abusers early on should be an equally important goal of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
You may have seen posters around campus or comics in the Daily that posed the question: "Do you know Alex?" "Alex" is the Social Justice Arts Initiative's version of the average college student, represented by an amorphous, gender−neutral form. It's difficult to identify Alex with a specific gender, religion, sexual orientation or political belief because domestic abuse can affect anybody as a result of any of these identifications. We also tried to place Alex in a variety of social situations to dispel the myth that domestic abuse necessarily indicates sexual abuse or violence between romantic partners.
Although psychological abuse does not leave physical wounds or scars, the emotional effects stay with the victim much longer than a cut or a bruise. While taking advantage of a kind friend, abusing the trust in a romantic relationship or intentionally damaging a friend's self−esteem are milder forms of psychological abuse than what we normally think of, they are still considered abusive behavior.
Among women, it is estimated that 75 percent of physical assaults and 50 percent of instances of stalking by intimate partners are not reported to the police. Increased awareness about the various manifestations of domestic abuse could allow more victims to realize that they have, in fact, been treated in an abusive manner and that they should seek out helpful resources.
It's also worth noting that peer pressure qualifies as a form of domestic abuse. Approximately 55 percent of college students experience hazing in clubs, teams and organizations on their college campuses. I certainly feel as if I can attest to this fact, both from my own experiences and from friends who have quit sports teams or clubs because of peer pressure to drink or to spend most of their free time with the other members at the risk of exclusion.
While peer pressure brings domestic abuse into a public setting, these issues exist in the privacy of our homes and dorm rooms as well. Continuous physical and verbal fights occur not only between romantic partners but between parents and children and among friends and roommates. Although the wide scope of "domestic abuse" could make it difficult to raise awareness about every single abusive behavior, we hope that these examples will provide a starting point for you to examine the specific relationships in your life for any elements of abuse.
The purpose of our Alex campaign is not only to ask, "Do you know Alex?" but also, "Are you Alex?", "Do you know Alex's abuser?" and, "Are you Alex's abuser?" Because domestic abuse can take so many forms and affect even the most common types of relationships, I think it would be difficult to answer "no" to all of these questions. We all have a friend whose significant other threatens a break−up if activity X isn't performed, a friend who constantly attacks another friend's self−esteem or a friend who was victimized by a co−worker at their last job. And perhaps in examining the dynamics between yourself and your friends, your family, your coworkers or your romantic partner, you've come to realize that you are an abuser.
Once initiated, the cycle of abuse is difficult to break. The United States Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 2005 saw an average of over three women and nearly one man murdered every day in an act of domestic abuse by an intimate partner. Our hope is that by raising awareness through the Alex campaign, we can stop this cycle of abuse before it begins. We hope you will become more aware of the many different forms of domestic abuse and, in the process, provide support to an Alex in your life.
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Alanna Tuller is a sophomore majoring in English. She is a member of the Tufts Social Justice Arts Initiative.
