So we recently had this little event in the sports world called Opening Weekend. I was treated to the sight of a Jon Garland (White Sox-style) jersey and Barry Zito (Giants) jersey for three days straight and couldn't have been happier. Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford were written on the same lineup card, and all was right in the world.
Anyway, I'm sure many of you watched part or all of some these games, rooting for your idols and wondering what these small sample sizes prophesize for the rest of the season. Maybe you didn't; maybe you watched some college basketball game in which you can't name a single player. Hopefully you didn't do that. Either way, here are some rock-solid MLB truths:
Phillies-Astros: Yes, the Astros are that bad, and yes, the Phillies pitching is as good as advertised. Otherwise, Raul Ibanez looks like he's about 87 years old, Bill Hall is still the worst player in baseball and Jimmy Rollins is out to prove he's not completely washed up. Expect a good season for the Phillies as a whole, somewhere in the vicinity of 14 wins for the Astros and too many comments along the lines of "Wow, the Phillies' fourth starter could be the ace of a lot of other teams!" Really, Sherlock? The Phillies have a good staff?
White Sox-Indians: Chicago's other team is going to score a lot of runs this year. A whole lot. Yes, they came out extra hot, but I expect a top-three AL finish in runs scored. I expect a top-three finish for the Indians too ... top three in having a grand total of seven people show up to every game. Seriously, it's Opening Weekend! We all know the Indians are going to be awful minus Santana and Choo, but still. The White Sox will find a way to do well but not win the division, the Indians will find a way to challenge the Royals for last and everyone will continue to ignore the AL Central.
Giants-Dodgers: The defending World Series champions came out with a couple of losses, but nothing they can't bounce back from. Lincecum will have a few more 8,000-calorie In-n-Out meals, Zito will get knocked around every five days, Pablo Sandoval will look perpetually hungry and they'll win the West over the Rockies. The Dodgers got an early spark from Donnie Baseball, Kershaw will win the NL, Cy Young and Andre Ethier will have a huge season. That last one might be a pipe dream purely for keeper-league fantasy purposes, but a man can hope.
Tigers-Yankees: The Yankees have a 71-year-old left side of their infield, a 41-year-old closer and precisely one reliable starter. Why do they still scare everyone? Mostly because I have nightmares they might actually trade for King Felix. Putting the best pitcher in baseball in pinstripes can only mean bad things for the rest of the league. But until that happens, the Yankees are the slight Wild Card-favorite at best. The Tigers have one hope for the year: to discover how Jim Leyland hasn't had six strokes by now. Seriously, have you seen him? The man better have the closest hospital on speed dial.
Rangers-Red Sox: Texas will challenge the Red Sox for tops in the league in runs scored. They will also pan to Nolan Ryan 47 times during every home game. We get it: He's a fat, old man who was good at throwing a baseball 25 years ago. I'm slightly more interested in what's happening on the field.
And Boston? They just didn't want to intimidate the league too much right out of the gate. There will be plenty of time for that when October arrives.
