Dear Editor,
On Wednesday, March 13, sophomore Samuel Daniel courageously declared, "No one at this school is racist," thereby making it so. You see, Daniel was born with a special power: Everything he writes immediately becomes true. Though his words are thinly veiled under the guise of an "opinion piece," we must remember that Daniel is speaking for everyone of all backgrounds at all times. His word is law.
Personally, if I had been given his gift, I would've aimed a bit higher: "No one on Earth has cancer," say, or if I'm forced to limit the scope of my comments, "Everyone at Tufts will reach the goals to which he or she aspires, provided they are not racist goals, as we are notoriously racist." I'd like to take a moment to thank Daniel for cleansing us of our plague.
Alas, Daniel's proclamation is but temporary, as it is easy for us to overturn it by talking about race. Daniel cautions us to never speak of cultural, racial or ethnic issues, lest we become racist again. This got me thinking: What other things must we ignore and sweep under the proverbial rug so as to sidestep their wrath? It's a given that discussion will only lead to harm; the question is, to what else may we apply this principle?
I am reminded of the Great Banishing of 1902, performed by Thu'umWonderbeard, Supreme Warlock. Dragons once plagued our fine university; roaring and soaring through the sky, they would rain hellfire onto the helpless citizenry below. Buildings burned to the ground. Freshmen were immolated in a bizarre fire-sacrifice to appease the beasts. Hundreds more students fell under the supernaturally hot flames before Thu'um descended from the High Place to send the dragons back to their realm.
Gentle reader, I am not familiar with the deep sorcery required to banish the dragons back to the Reach; those spell books have been lost to time. Wonderbeard was very explicit in the temporary nature of his work, however. "Do with these memories of dragons as you do with icky emotions," he bellowed, "and never speak of them."
The dragons can - and will - return if we think about them. It is for this reason that we must never, ever mention their scales, or their claws or their soulless eyes. Oh God. What have I done? NO!
Watch the skies,
Ian Donovan
TCU Senator
Class of 2012
