The Bout of Drought

On the eve of this Halloween, I twisted my ankle. Despite what the "Minions" (2015) movie tells you, just because you dress like a minion for Halloween does not mean you can bounce off the walls unharmed. What was weirder, however, was my Halloween experience at the hospital the next day. First of all, there was NO ONE there. When I went to radiology to get an x-ray, all I found was a black telephone centered in a vacant and stagnant room. I picked it up to hear slow breathing and a raspy voice: "I’ll be right there." From the yellow-lit hallways emerged a pale man who was slowly sliding his feet along the marble floor. He would wait five to six seconds before answering my questions and ran his eyes over me suspiciously. Am I trying to tell you that he was a zombie trying to kill me? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. As I lay on the x-ray bed, I knew murder was coming. He forgot to give me a protective vest. When I reminded him, he responded, "Oh…yes… That." "That" was quite literally my shield from any zombie-ray-voodoo that would have led to a much better Halloween story than this one. Point is, there are some serious flaws in the Halloween healthcare system, and zombies just really suck at doctor-patient relationships. They should just stick to the things they are good at: the clean up.

Hey NYSD, will you have dinner with me? One of my friends ditched me last week because she had to study for Italian so I have to resort to emailing advice columns.

thx,

maya

Rebecca:

Here is the downside of email submissions; our friends can voice their disappointment with us. Sorry Maya, but Italian Poetry is not a commitment that one takes lightly! I recently learned about “uomo di pena," literally "man of suffering," and it is pretty heavy stuff. Sorry that by ditching our dinner plans I forced you into a meal without me, which clearly caused you to suffer. How could it not?! However, I also learned in poetry that, through suffering and continuing on, we grow, and so I guess I allowed you to grow. You are welcome?

Dear NYSD,

As a senior girl who only hooked up with/dated guys in the grades above me, I find myself in a drought. How can I find a new source of boys and quench this thirst?

Rebecca:

A lot of my senior friends are going through this. There are three options here, all of which are inspired by Woody Allen’s belief that “80 percent of life is showing up!” First, you could start looking at people in the grade below you, and I know many people that have done this and all of them are still single, but that might have to do more with them than the age of their partners.  Your second option is to look at people in our grade because it is so easy to get stuck in a routine and think that there only 50 people in the grade. Newsflash, there are over 1,000 Jumbos per year, and there is no way you know all of them! Third, meet people outside of the Tufts bubble!

That’s all we have for this week, send us questions PLEASE!