Well, well, well…
Welcome all to another year of A Jumbo’s Journey! This is all very exciting, but also very strange. Three years of using the Daily as a platform to yap and rant about anything that crosses my mind is definitely not what I foresaw my college experience to be.
I had a little midlife crisis during the summer pertaining to that idea. During one of my arduous commutes to the office (I was just another cog in the wheel of capitalism; Damn you society!), I reflected on my time at college. Included in that reflection was this column — this inexplicable, unpredictable and ineffable part of my college experience. I remembered all the times I sat in my dark and lonely single at 2 a.m. writing this column instead of doing my economics problem set. Unfortunately, there have been many instances of that over this column’s two-year tenure…
But alas, I’m ‘unc’ now. I have bags under my eyes. My back hurts when I wake up in the morning. I’m in bed with a cup of sleepytime tea at 9:30 p.m. sharp. I’m no longer connected to relevant media and the younger generation. During one of my post-work revival sessions where I just sat in the sun and questioned my existence, my younger sister asked me whether I was a ‘jittleyang’ or a ‘fuhuhluhtoogan.’ I almost exploded. Let’s just say that was the first time I had to open up Google and search up a brainrot term. I still remember when ‘yo mama’ jokes were cutting-edge comedy. These damn kids.
While not knowing brainrot is a completely valid reason to feel like unc, there are also plenty of practical ones. First, I have completed 50% of my college experience. WHAT? I’m halfway done?? That’s terrible. I still remember moving into Hodgdon Hall like it was yesterday. Now, I am moving into an off-campus house, religiously doom-scrolling through IKEA and Facebook Marketplace. Second, this summer I had to schedule my own appointments and, worst of all, actually go alone. My mom said it was getting weird when I’d stand behind her while she talked to the doctor, only to step forward at the end and ask for a lollipop. Third, retirement accounts. Hello? I’m not even a full-time employee. I don’t think my $4 biweekly paycheck is doing much for my golden years. Last, the big one: I found my first grey hair. After plucking it and banishing it to the depths of hell, I immediately ordered myself a casket and a headstone. Early bird discount at the funeral home, of course.
These revelations had a few effects on me (if that wasn’t already obvious). One big question was whether I should even keep this column going. Could I pump out a semester’s worth of relevant, humorous and edgy content? Honestly, I doubted I could type an entire publication without my hands cramping up.
But then I remembered the core principle of this column. It isn’t supposed to be up to date with the most relevant brainrot terms, but rather an accurate representation of my progression as a college student at Tufts. Maybe all juniors become unc and have this same revelation. Maybe this is just part of the college experience.
So, in case you haven’t guessed the ending, I’m keeping A Jumbo’s Journey alive. Which means it’s time for an introduction. My name is Ben Rachel, born and raised in Chicago, and I’m a junior at Tufts majoring in economics and minoring in computer science. This is Year 3 of writing A Jumbo’s Journey, and I am officially an upperclassman! That means I now have the right to make fun of both first-years and sophomores. They are, after all, a stinky bunch.
To all the readers who are returning, welcome back. I’m glad you are back for another round. To all you readers who are reading this for the first time, welcome aboard! I hope you will stick with me this semester through all my rambling anecdotes and occasional wisdom. I’m going to need to gain a lot of dad-lore this semester to meet the expectations of my fans.
And with that, that’s a wrap on my first publication of fall 2025! If you are craving more, feel free to browse my past publications. You’ll notice that they have a very similar writing style and structure — looks like I can’t shake it.
So here is to a fresh start! A clean slate no matter your age or how much your back aches. Enjoy the novelty of the new semester, the chaos of campus and those fleeting sunny afternoons on Prez Lawn. Take it from me — an unc — the darker days (literally) will creep in soon enough. For now, I’ll go take my midday nap and catch you on the next one.
Creakingly,
Ben Rachel
