While college is known for bringing together people from countless backgrounds, it’s rare to see all those differences in one place at one time. But despite everything that makes us different, we all share the neurobiological feeling of hunger. And where else do all of our worlds collide where this need for food is met other than in a dining hall? In my view, this makes dining halls the perfect place to consider the question: How different are we, really?
Each week, I will take one thought-out question, with the topic always varying and the answers always more complicated than they seem, straight to Tufts’ lunch tables at peak hours. I’ll poll Jumbos between their spoonfuls, collecting and tallying their responses, and I’ll try to make sense of what those answers say about us as a campus and maybe even as a generation. Think of it as a small social experiment taking place right in the middle of everyone’s chow time.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, it felt only right to begin with a question about love — or, at least, the strange patterns behind whom we choose to love. Some say people in love tend to mirror each other’s behavior. Others believe that ‘opposites attract.’ So, which is it?
Would you rather date someone very similar to you or very different from you?
After bouncing between tables at both Fresh at Carmichael Dining Center and Dewick-MacPhie Dining Center this week, I asked 84 students this exact question. 84 people were forced to make a semi-existential dating decision while holding a fork. Brave. Of those 84, 53 students (63%) said they would rather date someone very similar to themselves, while 31 students (37%) said they would rather date someone very different.
This means the campus has officially voted: Most of us would prefer to date … drum roll, please…
Ourselves? Or at least, someone suspiciously close to it.
When asking some students the ‘why’ behind their answers, those who said they would want to date someone very similar often prioritized having a significant other with the same values as themselves, finding it important to an everlasting relationship. Many followed along the lines of what one student said: “It’s easier to have similar passions and morals.” In fact, many students seemed to believe that dating someone similar simply makes everything smoother. There’s no pushing each other’s boundaries or getting into meaningless disagreements, because you have the same standpoint on just about everything.
Can it be that the vast majority of people are just playing it safe? Or maybe we, as people, want everyone to be like us because it would ‘just be easier that way.’ Often in a relationship, challenges are automatically seen as ‘problems’ and ‘rifts.’ Therefore, we start to associate difference with difficulty and danger. Some students even went as far as to say that “‘opposites attract’ is a myth,” suggesting that differences between individuals and compatibility can’t coexist.
On the other hand, the individuals in the minority who chose to date someone very different from themselves stood firmly in their choice. One person said, “You’re not going to grow as a person. It’s not interesting if you’re having a relationship with yourself.” A similar moment unfolded when a student jokingly checked their friend who would rather date someone similar to themselves: “You think you can date YOU?” she asked lightheartedly.
For these students, difference isn’t a red flag but, instead, the whole point of dating. The minority welcomes the challenge head-on, believing that since relationships play an important role in who we are as people, these differences are how we grow. Growth, to them, comes from being exposed to perspectives, habits and ideas that aren’t already your own. They also correlate ‘being in a relationship with yourself’ with being boring. Being in a relationship with someone who holds a different perspective can also open doors to experiences you may never otherwise have, simply because of the limitations of your own personality and behavior.
Because it is essential to consider outside factors when analyzing a poll, I did notice an overwhelming amount of people on both sides basing their answers off of their current or past relationships (sorry to those of you who are spending Valentine’s Day single … but good riddance, am I right!?) So maybe the real question isn’t whether you want someone similar or different, but instead: What do you want love to feel like for your current life? Are you feeling protective of your own heart? Or are you willing to explore something new that could turn expansive? Those who polled in with the ‘different’ response may be the underdogs of this survey, but they seem perfectly okay with being a little uncomfortable, a little challenged and a little changed.
Whoever you plan on getting with for Valentine’s Day or in the near future (whether that be your carbon copy, polar opposite, soulmate or meaningless hookup), may your texts be answered, your intentions be clear and your situationships be short-lived.
This was this week’s survey. You’ve officially been served. Until next time on “Serve & Survey.”
