I have been on a lot of airplanes over these past few months. As someone who has a goal of traveling to as many new places as possible, flying has almost become a weekly routine. This is all very ironic considering that I despise airports and airplanes in general. Let’s just say my time studying abroad has only affirmed my dislike. F--- you, Ryanair.
My time on airplanes is split into three activities: sleeping off a hangover, performatively reading a book or scrolling through old photos on my phone.
Browsing through photos is already a dangerous activity; the older I get, the larger my camera roll grows. Pictures that feel recent, events I just attended and moments I just lived, turn out to be years old.
Two weekends ago, I took a late flight to Paris and, instead of sleeping (it was the most uncomfortable flight I’d ever been on), I perused old pictures on my phone. I scrolled through my camera roll a bit and ended up in 2023 — my senior year of high school.
At first, it was fun scrolling through those photos. Seeing my hometown friends and I in that special basement. The library in my school that I spent an outrageous number of hours at. Prom pictures, baseball games, my family — everything! As I scrolled through those pictures, it felt like I was still there as a senior in high school.
When I broke through the trance and remembered I was a rising senior in college, I felt a little bit sad. I missed that period of my life. And then I realized something: Soon, I’ll be scrolling through pictures of this exact experience — my semester abroad, these trips and these people — ultimately wishing I could go back.
That realization changed my perspective. My time studying abroad ends this week. The date I have been dreading since I left O’Hare is only a few days away. One thing that I keep thinking about is how I have spent each and every day. I think about how so many moments during this semester, and my life, felt completely ordinary, mundane and routine, but now they feel completely irreplaceable. They are moments I would pay money to be able to relive. Back then, they were just days. Now, they are memories I wish I could step back into.
Even now, with only a few days left, things still feel normal. My days still feel like a routine, like this will be my life forever. Currently, my walk to the metro station is mundane. Normal. Systematic. And even though it feels like I will continue to walk that same walk for a long time, it will soon be a memory that I wish I could relive. It’s difficult to recognize that idea: We’re living in moments that haven’t become memories yet.
As humans, it seems like we rush, normalize and assume there is always more time. But in reality, things come to an end. My study abroad experience, which I have literally thought and dreamed about for years, is coming to an end. And although I knew this was going to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience and it would go by fast, I normalized it.
Unfortunately, this isn’t just about me or about Barcelona, but a way people experience life. Moments become routine. Experiences become normal. We rarely recognize meaningful moments while we are in them. Meaning is often assigned after the fact. Nothing feels like a memory while you’re living in it.
While I can write that going into my last year at Tufts, I will live every moment like it’s my last, that’s probably not going to happen. When I’m back on campus next year, life will once again become a routine. But what I can change is my perspective.
My goal isn’t to escape routine or live every day like it’s my last. That’s unrealistic. Instead, it’s to be more cognizant. To notice a little more when things are happening, even when they feel ordinary. It’s being aware during walks to classes, late-night conversations and random weekday dinners — the things that will quietly become memories I’ll one day scroll past on my camera roll and wish I could return to.
I don’t think I will suddenly start living differently overnight. But I do think I can start paying attention more while I’m still here, before these memories turn into something I’m looking back at instead of something I am living.
So, I’m just trying to be a bit more present before these experiences become an Instagram post, a picture or a memory.
Relishing Barcelona one last time,
Ben Rachel
