Tim Whelan | Some Kind of Wonderful
February 22There are only so many things in this life that you can be sure of without actually seeing them happen. I can think of two off the top of my head. 1) Some guy in Saugus brought his authentic Varitek jersey to a tailor and got a captain's "C" embroidered onto it. 2) There is a rap video being filmed somewhere with a Nolan Ryan old-school Astros jersey prominently involved. The "jersey-fying" of America appears to be at an all-time high. And it is not limited to rappers, as has appeared to be the case for a few years now. The New Jersey Nets should just change their name to the New Jerseys and save everyone's breath. Originally named after a piece of equipment, the new moniker for East Rutherford's favorite ballers would pay homage to a part of hoops and pop culture which now appears as integral as the basket. But the Nets are not the worst culprits. The Mavericks now have alternate unis designed by P-Diddy. The Cavaliers, capitalizing on their meal ticket, Lebron James, have unveiled at least five different jersey designs, knowing those will fly off the shelves more than the Terrell Brandon and Danny Ferry throwbacks did. Freshly crowned Slam Dunk Champ Josh Smith broke out a Dominique throwback (you know, the ones that looked like a pack of Marlboro Reds). If not for the jersey craze, 'Nique would be just a faded memory, limited to highlight reels. And in the NFL this year, all I can say is ... lots of orange. In October, the fad hit a little closer to home, off the courts and playing fields. On an appearance on the "Best Damn Sports Show Period" shortly after the World Series, Sox hurler Curt Schilling showed up draped in a Ben Roethlisberger Steelers jersey. And this was during the regular season week the Pats were about to matchup with Pittsburgh, no less. The uproar may not have registered in the sports pages or on the news, but the reaction on sports radio was downright embarrassing. I swear people had just forgotten that this man had just hand delivered the city the proudest moment in its already distinguished history. The Sox are done, so what can we whine about? He could have been rocking a Jets fireman hat and a Jeter gamer for all I cared at the time, but my sentiments were not completely shared. The venom was spewing over the color of the shirt a man was wearing, which got me to thinking: Why do people wear them at all? He said on the show that he had grown up a Steelers fan. Fine with me. I was more disappointed by the fact that he was wearing any jersey, let alone what team his selection is partial to. My new rules are as follows: If I'm not rapping or 12 years old, I won't wear a jersey. Of course, there is the exception of Schilling turning a 180 in the eyes of the (way too many) people who cared about his prior clothing choice, when he arrived at Spring Training in his Tedy Bruschi shirt. His gesture was heartfelt and I respect it, but that shirt can be the exception. Yes, I'm telling Curt Schilling how not to dress. "But Tim, wasn't it you who...?" And yes, those of you who are familiar with me may know that I have been a jersey wearer in my time. Take a gander at Whelan family pictures, circa 1994, and there is a good chance that I will be decked out in a teal Larry Johnson replica or a UMass hoops model with the #15 on it (Dick Vitale told me Lou Roe would be a lottery pick, so I jumped at the chance to have a piece of history. How was I supposed to know then that Vitale is a kook?) Even as recently as two years ago, I fell victim to my own boredom and foolish spending habits and nabbed a powder-blue Doug Flutie Chargers number off of NFL.com. Ill-advised indeed, especially to absentmindedly have it sent to my house, with the bill. No matter the legend that Flutie holds in this region, and in the hearts of my father and mother, who both grew up in Flutie's hometown of Natick. "Why was there a $70 shirt being sent from San Diego?" was the gist of my parents angst. And I couldn't come up with a justifiable answer for the purchase, besides "Have you ever heard of Flutie Magic?" The purchase was a bit premature. I've worn it all of three times, and two of those times I didn't leave the house. I don't need that much attention, but apparently some do, like Warren Sapp. He walked into Veteran's Stadium before the NFC Championship Game in 2003 donning a Chuck Bednarik Eagles throwback. Not only was he asking for attention, but it could be seen as a slap to the face of a whole fan base. On this campus, I, along with many others, appear to be watching the jersey fad from a distance. It seems the only times we will see representation of our favorite stars is at a frat party where that is the theme or at Good Times Emporium in Somerville, where before a recent trip I placed the over/under on Tom Brady shirts I would see at 50. The under was the right call, but not by much. The lack of jerseys, be they authentic or replica, around campus means one thing: rocking the laundry of your favorite player or team might be just a bit ... much. So all things considered, you probably won't see me in public with the Flutie gamer in full effect ... until my first rap video, that is.

