Ask Angie
April 7Q: The girl I was dating broke up with me two weeks ago because she doesn't feel we're romantically compatible. Now, she wants to go to coffee "as friends," but I don't know if I'm ready for it, or if I'll ever be ready. How do I get rid of my feelings of losing a mate and just appreciate her as a good friend? I'd think more time apart is the answer, but this never seems to work for me. Is there another way? --Confused and angry A: I'd like to think that the girl you were dating was at the time, in fact, your friend as well as your romantic interest. When you look at it from that perspective, you're still maintaining a great deal of the quality of your previous relationship if you keep up the friendship! The fact that she's so willing to hang out this soon after the breakup means that she values you in her life. If time apart never works for you, then I'd suggest just taking it slowly. Let her know that it's difficult for you to suddenly take this step backwards, and that you need to slowly bring her back as a friend. Start with a brief trip for coffee, and then work up to a movie or a long dinner. Some of the best friendships can rise out of ex-relationships, since you have a certain understanding of each other that few others can have. Of course, if you think it'll be impossible to relate to her on non-romantic terms, then a friendship wouldn't be worth the effort. It's up to you. Q: My roommate plays the same three songs on his computer every day. I can't take it anymore. Really. I'm stuck with him until the end of the semester. Please, please tell me how to shut him up. --Silent victim A: Unplug his computer. Actually, maybe that's not the best way to stay on his good side. Try not to throw it out the window, either. I have to imagine you've just been silently putting up with this for ages now. So, complain. Tell him it's getting a little repetitive to hear the same tunes all of the time. He may actually think you like those songs as much as he does, since you've probably never complained. If he's stubborn, take $10, get yourself some earplugs, and buy him some headphones -- you'll both be getting much deserved gifts. The money is definitely worth your mental (and his physical) health. Q: My friend and I both hooked up with the same guy a long time ago and he turned out to be a real jerk to us both. I've put the grudge behind me, and hung out with him recently. Absolutely nothing happened, but my friend is really upset about it. I think she still has feelings for him, and she seems to be upset with me. What should I do? --Over it A: Your friend probably feels betrayed that you would give that guy the time of day after how he treated both of you. As you've realized, however, the past is behind you. The fact that your friend still has feelings for him would make her more emotionally entangled in the situation. You need to respect the fact that she's still hurting, but also encourage her to move past her negativity. It may even be worthwhile to have her confront this guy about his actions, just so she can have some closure in her mind. If she's still hot for him, she may think you're lying about what did or did not happen. It's better for both of you to be really honest with each other about your feelings. Talk to her about this before she stews in her anger too long -- let her know that she means a lot to you and you would never do something to intentionally hurt her.

