"Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" is evidence that Hollywood is willing to go to any length to keep the vampire fad alive just a little bit longer.
The film, based on Darren Shan's "Cirque du Freak" young adult book series, follows the adventures of fictional Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia), a 16-year-old, stereotypical golden boy who finds himself deep in the realm of the wildly weird when he and his best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) attend a freak show. Darren, a great lover of spiders, is enamored by the tap-dancing duet of Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) and his arachnid partner, Octa. Meanwhile, Steve, who is fascinated by vampires, recognizes Crepsley from one of his vampire books.
After the show, Darren sneaks backstage and steals the spider — an error that eventually lands Steve in the hospital. Fearing for his friend's life, Darren is forced to turn to Crepsley for help. Crepsley agrees, on one condition: Darren will become his half-vampire assistant. Their accord sets off a chain of events that snatches Darren away from his suburban life, turns him against Steve and breaks a 200-year pact between two opposing factions of vampires: the vampires and the vampenezee, the latter of which kill their human prey. Egged on by Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris), a self-proclaimed war aficionado and a writer of underworld destiny, the characters find themselves sucked into a major battle between good and evil.
Unlike its edgier contemporaries, "Cirque du Freak" primarily explores the comedic facets of the vampire genre. This is not to say that the film is entirely a fluffy comedy: The conflict between the vampires and the vampenezee and the disintegration of Darren and Steve's friendship bring elements of serious drama to the film.
"Cirque du Freak's" main conflict is not traditional bloodlust — which, in Darren's case, is more akin to a chocolate craving than an interminably unquenchable thirst. The film attempts to emphasize a typical human problem, which is somewhat awkward as it is firmly grounded in an atypical, non-human world. This makes it difficult for viewers to take the characters' struggles seriously.
As with most vampire movies, "Cirque" incorporates romance into its storyline. But far from depicting a dangerous and sensual love story as in "Twilight" (2008), the romantic interest in this movie caters to a preteen crowd that has yet to move out of the secret admirer phase. The interactions between Darren and monkey-girl Rebecca (Jessica Carlson) are timid and sweet, sometimes cloyingly so. Darren is barely tempted by Rebecca's blood, so their clumsy romance is solely burdened by mild teenage angst. The relationship between Crepsley and Madame Truska (Salma Hayek) is a bit more true to the classic vampire mythos: his immortality perturbs him, and he is loath to think of himself outliving her. But even seasoned professionals Reilly and Hayek are burdened by the film's shallow script.
The movie gets significantly worse when it tries to provide moral commentary. The script is reliably awkward, predictable and about as bland as dry toast. As Darren struggles with his half-blood identity, he proclaims sagely, "Being human's not about what you are. It's about who you are."
"Cirque" has no new tricks when it comes to the moral dilemmas addressed by a vampire film or the conversations given to its characters. While the film explores the dichotomy between the newfound monster and the innate human in Darren, it resigns itself to clichés in a way that detracts painfully from its potential.
The younger actors also leave much to be desired. The fight between Darren and Steve, save for Darren's quick sip of blood and Steve's creepy contact lenses, seems little more than a schoolyard tussle between rowdy boys.
Thankfully, the performances of the older actors generally overshadow those of the younger and less experienced performers. It is gratifying to see Reilly in a more complex role after the recent chain of silly comedy movies he has starred in. His performance in this film is an amalgamation of his others; his tap dancing routine pleasantly recalls his performance in "Chicago" (2002), and his deadpan humor is the culmination of his recent comedic work. Reilly's performance is rivaled only by Cerveris' as Mr. Tiny, who is deliciously unsettling as he urges the characters to fulfill the grisly destiny he has outlined for them.
The spectacular production also partially compensates for the film's general lack of sophistication. Darren and Steve's first encounter with the circus is visually dazzling; it is hard to know whether to clap louder for the giggling, blonde Corma Limbs (Jane Krakowski) as she regenerates her freshly removed arm, or for the adorable Octa, which for its fuzzy, blue-and-red body is about as intimidating as Elmo mixed with the Cookie Monster. Despite the beauty, a few high-tech tricks are not enough to save the film's clunker of a script, compensate for its inexperienced actors or make it any more enjoyable.
"Cirque du Freak" is, at best, cute. Altogether it leaves viewers hoping that the vampire trend will not prove to be immortal like the fiends themselves.
