Have you ever met a tough guy? We're talking about a guy with huge muscles, a black leather jacket, a short fuse and speaking skills equivalent to The Situation's after a couple of drinks. These men are everywhere, and they've been lionized in the WWE, professional (real) sports and the film industry. But lately the movie biz has used these hulk−like figures in a new manner: for comedy.
That's right — though you would never have seen Steve McQueen or Paul Newman in a family comedy, today's action heroes are abandoning their butt−kicking ways and losing their street cred.
Let's take Vin Diesel. This guy was a Nazi−killing rifleman in "Saving Private Ryan" (1998), a street−racing hijacker in "The Fast and the Furious" (2001) and an anarchic, extreme−sports−enthusiast secret agent in "xXx" (2002). So what did Vinny think would be a good change of pace? Becoming a militaristic babysitter in "The Pacifier" (2005). In moving from snipers to diapers, Diesel soiled his Pampers and his tough guy persona. We were glad to see him return to his roots for "Fast and Furious" (2009) and hope that "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage" comes together next year.
Diesel isn't the only macho actor to turn to kiddie comedy. Just the other day, while we lay weeping in our respective rooms due to the untimely end of this season of MTV's "Jersey Shore" — yes, we are using two "J−Shore" jokes in one column — and the subsequent themed frat parties (too soon, guys), we saw a trailer for the upcoming "Tooth Fairy." This film stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as a minor league hockey player who gets selected to be a tooth fairy after shattering children's dreams. Strangely enough, The Rock's career path is similar to Diesel's. The Rock went from being a wrestler to the mythological juicehead Mathayus the Scorpion King to a tutu−wearing, wand−waving, foo−foo tooth fairy. All we're saying is, think before you accept a movie role, bro. Pink's not your color.
Hollywood is in a bad habit of coaxing manly men into weenie roles for unfunny comedies. These action heroes are taking all those crappy family parts away from people like Rick Moranis, who has been forced to sell drugs on the streets for bread money ever since the "Honey, I Shrunk the (insert family member here)" well dried up. What happened to the glory days when Bruce Willis could gun down some Euro−terrorists, win a boxing match that he promised to throw and even record an EP? Now, he has to costar around Tracy "I'm only funny because I yell jokes at people" Morgan in the upcoming "Cop Out."
The film industry is in a state of flux; actors are always seeking new genres and directors are constantly searching for uncharted territory. Yet we want our heroes to always be our heroes. Take one of our favorite professional badasses, Sean Connery, for example. In his younger years, he expertly portrayed James Bond, but even as he aged he transitioned to venerable action roles, such as Professor Henry Jones Sr., in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" (1989). Since Sir Sean has never made a mockery out of his roles, we have retained our respect for him and his delicious accent. Even at 79, he is the last guy we'd want to face in a bar fight.
We hope we aren't coming off too bitter. In fact, we like when Judd Apatow's goofball protagonists double as brave men. But seeing Jackie Chan, our favorite "Drunken Master" (1978), turn into a toothless nanny is depressing. When Quentin Tarantino starts directing Disney Channel Original Movies, we'll really blow a gasket.
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Zach Drucker is a sophomore majoring in International Relations, and Chris Poldoian is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. They can be reached at Zachary.Drucker@tufts.edu and Christopher.Poldoian@tufts.edu.
