Fans of ABC's "Desperate Housewives" can usually count on a major mystery to keep them guessing all season. Last week's seventh season premiere did not disappoint. This year, creator and writer Marc Cherry will keep us wondering: Where did Carlos Solis' goatee go?
With the single exception of Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) forgoing his hirsute look, the premiere offered little that caused much of a stir. Yet despite the apparent lack of sizzle, the show succeeds with its usual larger-than-life humor. The characters still have dirty laundry, and watching it air out is still a riot.
Season seven finds Mike (James Denton) and Susan (Teri Hatcher) living in an apartment while they ride out their money problems. Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and Tom (Doug Savant) have forgotten about their new daughter as quickly as they welcomed her, due to the distracting arrival of Lynette's old college roommate. Bree (Marcia Cross) and Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) finalize the quickest and friendliest divorce on record, and, in an early reveal of last season finale's mystery, Gabby (Eva Longoria Parker) and Carlos grapple with the discovery that the daughter they have been raising is not theirs. Adding to the intrigue, the shady Paul Young (Mark Moses) returns to confound Wisteria Lane.
Paul certainly brings creepiness to the plot: It can be assumed that his mysterious "plan" for his neighbors probably does not involve a surprise barbeque. In past seasons, he has proved to be a reliable source of tension, but the fact that this is his second time playing villain definitely decreases his dramatic effect. The mystery of his new wife (Emily Bergl) is more intriguing than his vague revenge plans.
The biggest disappointment thus far has been the relative tameness of Lynette's former roommate Renee, played by the usually vicious Vanessa Williams. Her character has been rude and meddling, but otherwise has done little to seriously shake up the ladies of Wisteria Lane. Luckily, the ex-wife of a famous Yankees player has decided to buy a house in Fairview, so Williams should have plenty of reason to unleash the full force of her diva self in future episodes.
In addition to Williams, Brian Austin Green joins the cast as Bree's hunky contractor. His six-day-old relationship with Bree feels a little rushed, however — Cherry should have allowed more time for their tension to build.
Gabby continues to be the funniest character on the show. She is larger than life, which aids her humor. Some gems in episode two include her theory of "sexomnia" and her reaction to Andrew's (Shawn Pyfrom) apology for hitting her mother-in-law: "I'm gonna give you that one, 'cause I wasn't fond of her."
Coming in second in the funny category is Susan, whose attempts at softcore porn are hilariously ridiculous. Her storyline is the most unrealistic of all, but then again, this is "Desperate Housewives," the show that once had a man chained in a basement.
In the Scavo house, Tom and Lynette's marital struggles are well-traversed territory. Their fight is not particularly intriguing, but their make up reminds us all of why we keep rooting for them. That is, until we find out that there may be more to Tom and Renee's relationship than Lynette realizes. That revelation was the spiciest one so far and should provide some fodder for future episodes.
The second episode offers hope that fans will be blessed with more Bob (Tuc Watkins) and Lee (Kevin Rahm) time. While their breakup was heartbreaking, their uproarious post-breakup bickering makes the separation almost worth it. Cherry would do well to spend less time in Paul Young's house of horrors and more time in counseling with Bob and Lee.
As is bound to happen to a veteran dramedy, the seventh season premiere is considerably less spicy than previous seasons. Since the resolution of two major cliffhangers occurred in the first half of the season premiere, fans are left wondering what the driving force behind this season will be. Paul and Renee seem to be Cherry's answer, but as flavors go, they're more ranch than jalapeño so far.
Overall, the premiere offered the usual "Housewives" ruckus. While a few plot lines offer some intrigue to come, Wisteria Lane remains much the same. Happily for the show, the same old Wisteria Lane is still a hoot.
