Peach: “What do I do if I accidentally gave a 30-year-old guy my phone number because I was too nice to say no? Now I have to avoid this one place that I just became a member of because I don’t want to see him after he texted me.”
Dearest Peach,
Don’t ever let a man keep you away from somewhere you’d like to be. Take whatever steps you need to feel safe and comfortable in that new environment and don’t feel guilty about it. Whether that means bringing a friend with you, finding strength in numbers, talking to some kind of organizer or completely ignoring this man next time you show up, take action. You deserve access to this space just as much as he does.
Block his number with no explanation or perhaps let the messages come through but feign ignorance about whatever they say next time you run into him. Let him be the one that feels uncomfortable around you.
WRL: “What should I do as a sophomore who has no romantic prospects?”
Dearest WRL,
I would advise you to take a peek at the last edition of Dear Defne, which bears striking resemblance to your inquiry. You aren’t alone in this. While the previous question came from a junior, you may find some wisdom that resonates with you.
There’s nothing that says you have to be in a relationship as a sophomore. Don’t let the chatter from everyone else pressure you into a fling just for the sake of it all. If you’re content with how your life is moving right now, stay on that path and don’t worry about keeping your eyes peeled for someone to join you on your adventures.
However, I imagine you’re writing because you want to change things. Life can be so delightful with a partner to navigate everything alongside. Make sure you’re going on meaningful adventures, taking time to head off campus, exploring your passions and taking care of yourself before trying to make space for someone else. Give people something to connect with you about. Wear outfits that feel like you and draw in a compliment from someone in class.
Don’t wait for life to happen to you. Accept all the invitations you receive and go out of your way to invite other people out. Ask your class crush for their number in case you ever need notes and then maybe inquire about grabbing coffee after a lecture. Show up at club meetings instead of ignoring those weekly e-list updates.
Be kind to yourself and others. People want to be around other people that glow. Find the things that bring light into your eyes and try your best to bring it out in others. Hold the door open, carry extra snacks to share with your friends, compliment others when it strikes you and doors will start opening.
With love and gratitude,
Defne
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