Inquiry:
I often stay up too late because I want to decompress after a long day of activities and homework, so I end up scrolling on my phone. The problem is I don’t get enough sleep and feel grumpy the next day. How can I relax at night without staying up too late — and still have phone time?
Kate:
I think a lot of people, myself included, struggle with this. At least for me, screen time limits and deleting apps doesn’t work. I have found that the easiest thing to do is physically separate myself from my phone.
At our house, we have a “no phone in room” rule, meaning we try not to bring our phones into our bedrooms, especially at night. Not only have I been going to bed earlier, but I feel like my sleep quality is better too. Setting physical boundaries allows you to have phone time while keeping it separate from sleep. My screen time has been less during the day too because I can’t isolate myself to scroll, which makes stopping easier. My housemates and I hold each other accountable, which is super helpful in making sure this rule sticks.
If you live in a dorm, this could be easily adapted to “no phone in bed.” Try charging your phone across the room from you overnight or maybe you could completely power it off after you brush your teeth and are ready for bed. If you have a roommate, try and see if they will do it with you.
In general, I think the biggest thing is not scrolling right before you go to sleep. Decompress after your day for a few minutes, then shut your phone off or put it in a different room, then get ready and go to sleep. If you feel like you still need entertainment before you sleep, you could read a book, do a crossword puzzle or something similar instead.
Eric:
I will invoke a “do as I say, not as I do” tone for this question — because God knows I love a little revenge bedtime procrastination. Revenge bedtime procrastination is soooo fun! Getting some truly ‘you’ time while you lay in bed can feel like a great reward, but the costs are your entire next day! It creates a feedback loop: You wake up tired and you’re busy, you unwind on your phone at the end of the day, and you stay up — only to then wake up more tired the next day.
To break the cycle, you have to change the behavior. When attempting to break/create habits I adopt a ‘friction’ mindset. If you want to relax at night and not stay up too late, increase friction with your phone and decrease friction with other calming things like reading or meditation. Have an alarm on your phone for 10 or 11 p.m., and when it goes off, put your phone on airplane mode and (if you can) leave it outside your room or farrrrrrr away from your bed. I am terrible at this. Make a roommate an accountability buddy, suffer together! Invest in a cute alarm clock that you can set and ‘will’ wake up to. I bet Kate has touched on this, but if you live in a house, don’t allow your phone in your room (or in a dorm, no phone in your bed). The easier thing is to decrease friction with the good. Is there a book from your childhood that you’d love to re-read? Put it on your bedside table. Also on that bedside table, keep a tiny pad of paper where every night you write down three things you’re grateful for.
Going cold turkey on your phone is unrealistic, and a little cruel, a little phone time is awesome! To be mindful of your phone time, set timers for yourself, download a screen-time app like Opal (which I use!). I have an Opal ‘session’ running 24/7 on my phone, where to unlock social media, I have to wait an ever-increasing amount of time on a loading page which leads me through breathing exercises, and I get a max of fifteen minutes before everything relocks.
Give yourself grace. We were given these pacifiers that are engineered to keep us awake, alert, and on. So take five minutes right now and plan out a non-phone nighttime routine that you’re excited about. I recommend the Life Kit podcast episode “How to stop revenge bedtime procrastination.” Listen to all 19 minutes of it tonight — and then tuck your phone in goodnight.
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