Q: I’m worried my girlfriend isn’t into me anymore. How do I know for sure?
A: Well, if you have to ask, buddy (I’m assuming you’re a man because most women would already know), you might already have the answer. Crowdsourcing information about your relationship is rarely a sign things are running smoothly.
Due to the lack of specifics provided in this situation (and because denial is real), I will offer you some tell-tale signs that she’s probably not that into you. Don’t cry, though. Or do. Just NOT in front of her.
- You suggest a date night and she says, ‘What’s the occasion?’
- After sex, she rolls over and starts doing the Wordle. I love the New York Times games as much as the next person but they should be strictly reserved for when you’re bored in class.
- When you mention a night out with the boys she encourages you to ‘go have fun’ and, unfortunately, actually means it.
- She describes you to her friends the way I’d boast about my qualities in a job interview: ‘He’s really dependable. A great guy.’ (How is Mr. Reliable in the bedroom anyway?)
- She subtly leaves a copy of “Atomic Habits” for you to look through. It’s not a gift, it’s a suggestion.
- She begins responding to your flirty texts with emojis that belong only in a family group chat. A thumbs up is the digital equivalent of a polite nod — never a good response to your d--- pic.
- Her bedroom energy is giving ‘lie back and think of England’ — you’re her lover, not her civic duty.
- You’ve screenshotted her texts and asked multiple people to decode. If her messages require peer review, you’re not in a relationship — you’re in denial.
- You spend more time talking about the relationship than actually living it. I’m all for communication, but at some point it stops being a love story and turns into a weekly staff meeting.
- She still texts back but more like someone who’s clearing their notifications out. Efficient, joyless and with no follow-up questions.
And finally, no modern relationship diagnosis is complete without it so I’d like to provide this top tier source as well, a foolproof way to know if she’s really that into you. And if that doesn’t work we’re always here for you.
Happy Valentine’s Day, cuties.
XO,
Sharper Advice
