Q: How can I be niche without seeming like I’m trying too hard? I feel like everyone here thinks they are niche but they actually all just follow the trends and dress the same. What should I do?
A: Did you get dropped from ATO rush last week? Don’t worry, you can still be niche even without the approval of the potheads, bisexuals and sailors who make up that house. Luckily for you, you picked the right school. Welcome to Tufts University, where if you’re not wearing wired headphones and carrying Joan Didion in your back pocket, you’re doing it wrong. I’ll never forget that on the first day of a class this semester, when we all went around sharing our favorite books, the first title out of someone’s mouth was “Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Yes, full government name and all.
If 600-page Russian psychological thrillers are really your thing, then you do you, and I apologize for the judgment. However, I’m fairly certain that this is a prime example of the lengths that people at this school will go to in order to seem interesting and different.
You’re not wrong to be frustrated at how difficult it is to carve out your own niche at this school when your competition includes the staff at The Sink. Let’s also not forget that the winner of the performative male contest last year snorted matcha powder up their nose. I can just picture the little puffs of green appearing every time they sneeze, but that’s commitment if I’ve ever seen it.
But, here’s the thing, and I say this with love: Being niche is not at all effortless. In fact, it requires a highly curated aesthetic and the adoption of hyperspecific and obscure personality traits that align with whatever mood board their 17-year-old self created when they decided to reinvent themselves for college. So yes, all those people you see around campus with their embroidered jeans and leather bags they bought at some vintage store they conveniently can’t remember the name of are actually trying very hard. Those people just have more time on their hands than others.
While I personally believe that being niche is more of a state of mind than a skill, I think the best way to be different is to look at all the trendy things people carry around on campus and then do the opposite. For example, all those Longchamp Le Pliage bags that you see everyone and their mother with (literally, in my case) can instead be replaced with a thrifted purse too small to fit any of your belongings. You might have to carry your laptop separately, but looking cool comes at a price.
An Owala water bottle is far too common to be caught sipping from in public. Instead, opt for a bottle of kombucha — but not GT’s Synergy. Health-Ade will do, though I hear they also sell kombucha at the local Somerville farmers market, which will really up your image. If you prefer your tea unfermented and sans bacteria culture, be my guest, but I suggest carrying it in a mug. A YETI is fine too; but the constant will-she-won’t-she of spilling it all over yourself is what will really set you apart from the crowd.
However, the core of being niche certainly extends beyond material goods. To truly ‘be niche,’ it must consume your whole life and personality. For example, don’t listen to popular music. On the off chance that someone stops you on the street and asks who you’re listening to, it can’t be an artist with over 10,000 streams.
Your online image is just as important, so you’ll need to make sure you have a digital footprint that is barely detectable. Only post on your Instagram once a year. When you do, it must be a dump of something extremely quirky that makes no sense to the average viewer, such as a blurry photo of a parking meter in Davis Square, a half-eaten bagel on a radiator and a screenshot of a notes app grocery list. Additionally, the caption should be something like “tuesday” (all lowercase), a single pinecone emoji or, better yet, no caption at all. Bonus points if you have under 500 followers. Only the coolest, nichest people can be in your audience. Everyone else is too mainstream to understand your world.
If all else fails, we’re always here for your social climbing questions and concerns.
We love you even if you’re basic,
Sharper Advice
