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Attend a 'bash,' support relief efforts

"Where else are you gonna go? It's Friday night and it's cold!" This is the most practical reason Tufts senior and Oxfam Caf?© Purchasing Manager, Laura Gutierrez, can think of for attending Oxfam's Tsunami Relief Bash today. But by no means is that the only reason. In the spirit of the broader Oxfam mantra of "Good Food, Good Cause," the hippie chic Miller Hall eatery will host an all-day (and night) blow-out, beginning at 11:00 a.m. this morning, to fundraise for relief efforts in the Southeast Asian countries devastated by December's tsunami. As Tufts' only all-vegetarian dining facility, Oxfam will feature not only a menu of the finest meatless cuisine on campus, but two bake sales sponsored by Alpha Omega Phi and the International Club as well as dozens of raffle prizes including round-trip tickets for two to Costa Rica, two I-Pod Minis, restaurant gift certificates and bookstore gear. Of course, no good coffee house event is complete without its scruffy local music legends, and the Bash is no different. At press time, co-directors Oxfam Site Manager Anna Feldman ('08) and Pangea member Gisela Alouhan ('05) had booked nearly 10 different gigs from amongst Tufts' best and brightest independent artists to play at Oxfam beginning at 5:00 p.m. Acts include, but are not limited to experimental Latino quartet Moksha, solo acoustic rocker Jahn Sood and funkadelic up-and-comers, Timelaps. Recently, major international organizations have declared that they have received a surplus of material donations like clothing and blankets. Feldman worries that this, in turn, has lulled students into a false belief that hard-hit countries like India and Thailand are well on their way to recovery. Feldman hopes this popular sentiment will not prevent students from seeing the clear necessity of further donations. "Being at a school like Tufts, we tend to live in a bubble," she said. "We're worried about midterms and spring break and stuff like that, but if you stop to think about it, these people have had their lives ripped away from them ... they are in despair." Alouah ran into her own share of problems as she began helping Anna co-plan the event. "I received a lot of criticism from students who argued that too much attention was being focused on the tsunami and that other poverty-struck areas were in terrible need of aid," Alouah said. While both co-directors said that this was a valid point, neither was prepared to give up on the tsunami victims. Instead, in response to these concerns, the Oxfam managerial staff and Pangea coordinating committee reorganized their donation plans, allowing for an eclectic allocation of funds that should satisfy every donator's values. From 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., Oxfam will operate under regular conditions and send all of its profits to Oxfam America, the local branch of the hunger relief group Oxfam International. These proceeds will be put toward programs that teach impoverished residents in Third World countries to become agriculturally and economically self-reliant. From 5:00 p.m. on, however, donation funds will be directed toward Engineers Without Borders (EWB), a four-year-old, non-profit company that concentrates on installing necessary systems, like water and sewage, in developing areas. "We were eager to find an organization that would not simply provide food and supplies but actually promote long-term, sustainable redevelopment in the region," Alouah said. "After much research, we decided that EWB was our best option because of their commitment to helping small communities that are often overlooked by other relief agencies. In addition, EWB claims to include the community in the process of reconstruction in order to attend to their personal needs." This grassroots approach is not unlike that of Oxfam Caf?© itself, and Purchasing Manager for Oxfam Laura Gutierrez expresses a wish that the Tsunami Relief Bash might also raise awareness of and support for Oxfam's day-to-day relief endeavors. Gutierrez estimates that Oxfam is able to donate roughly 60 cents to Oxfam America for every dollar spent on beverages, and said that the ratio for food purchases is even higher. This turnover rate is due mostly to the practice of fair trade, which allows Gutierrez to purchase Caf?© stock at a fair price directly from farmers and producers themselves without the high transaction fees charged by middle men. In the end, fair trade translates to better wages for laborers and Caf?© prices that are much more conducive to a college student's budget. "What we're doing ... may not earn an enormous amount of money, but we're helping out a little," Feldman said. Oxfam is more about people pitching in to help their fellow men than a simple discussion of dollars and cents would indicate. "We're just doing what we can," Feldman added. see the correction for this article here


The Setonian
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Men's Track | 'No fear' attitude suits Nationals runners

They've outrun or outjumped teammates and opponents alike to prove that they are among the very best in Div. III, and this weekend, the members of the men's track and field team who qualified for the NCAA Championships during the regular season will see if their hard work has paid off.


The Setonian
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Survey offers insight into freshman substance use

An addendum to the Tufts Alcohol and Drug Use Survey singled out first year students in order to gain information about drinking habits, drug use and general satisfaction within their first few weeks at the University.


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Hedberg delivers the laughs

Comedian Mitch Hedberg kept a sold out Cohen Auditorium audience in fits of laughter at last night's Spring Comedy Show. Despite a 45-minute delay, Hedberg's dry delivery and ridicule of everyday phrases gave the patient audience reason to stick around. "I never went to college, but if I did, I'd take all my tests at a restaurant, because the customers are always right," Hedberg said. Early in the show, the audience roared at Hedberg's more absurd jokes. "I got an idea for sweatshops," he cracked. "F'ing air-conditioning, man." As the night wore on, Hedberg stumbled. He lost his momentum several times, knocking over his water bottle or stopping to write a new joke in his notebook. His devoted fans were happy though. Hedberg received plenty of cheers as he finished. Tufts Entertainment Board sponsored the show.


The Setonian
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Best week ever at Tufts

Shamelessly ripping off VH1, Features has decided to do our own "Best Week Ever" in honor of all the sordid and stupid goings-on here at Tufts. Don't get offended; just be smarter next time.Last weekend, the Emerging Black Leaders Symposium (EBLS) featured speaker Kwame Jackson, runner-up on the first season of "The Apprentice." Former U.S. Secretary of Education Rod Paige was a mere panelist. But hey, what's a career of public service and policy-crafting compared to getting fired by the Donald?A News Brief in yesterday's Daily reported that frat pledges allegedly poured cans of paint on four sorority girls who were guarding the cannon last Sunday. TUPD Sergeant Rich McConaghy said that "incidences of harassment between fraternities and sororities are rare." Yeah, frat boys harassing girls in ways that involve viscous substances? That's almost as rare as Ann Coulter calling liberals "traitors." Or "wimps." Or "insane."Speaking of which, here are some gems from Ann Coulter's Wednesday night debate with Peter Beinart:1. "Democrats are now living on the historical memory of what the Democratic party used to be to convince themselves the party isn't insane yet ..."2. Followed by ... "Was it a good idea to say it's our constitutional right to stick a fork in a baby's head?" 3. "Rich people don't want the No Child Left Behind Act because they want to buy their way into good schools like Tufts."4. "There's no one left to argue with on the Left - I've started to like liberals when they're afraid and shivering."We would list our favorite gems from Peter Beinart, but he was too busy being afraid and shivering. Kidding. Actually, he was skillfully playing Colmes to Coulter's Hannity:1. "Democracy in the Middle East is a wonderful thing. I am willing to give Bush credit for the wonderful sentiments in his inaugural address."2. "I agree with George W. Bush on this one, the No Child Left Behind Act will do more good than harm."3. "We don't know if Iraq will turn out to be a good thing or not."With liberals like that, who needs conservatives?




The Setonian
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Samahan' brings a taste of the Islands to Cohen

Despite another New England snowstorm this week, the Filipino Cultural Society will heat up Cohen Auditorium tonight with their cultural show "Samahan." "Samahan" means "togetherness" in the indigenous Filipino language, Tagalo. It makes for a suitable title, given the nature of the program, which also incorporates performances by the Tufts Dance Collective and the Chinese Students Association. The acts consist of a journey through various Filipino customs, as well as a broad range of musical and performance styles. In the end, however, the mixture blends into a distinctly unique identity, one that well characterizes the multitude of styles, traditions and music of the Philippine Islands. Many dancers said that learning about new pieces was the best part of taking part in the show. "When I was growing up, it was very different. By doing this, I learned of certain dances that I had no idea existed," says Katrina Pabon, a freshman who is taking part in "Asik," a Muslim dance in the show. Each number tells a story through song, movement and color. The opening act, "Vota Paragua," includes a bright display of lights, castanets and black silk. With sharp turns on elegant heels, it is a reminder of Spain's flaming flamenco tradition; yet tonight, the dance will be performed in a distinctly Filipino-style, set to the "Maria-Clara Suite." Every act also carries a different element of the rich island culture. "Sing Kil," for example, is a large group effort, and includes several pairs of large bamboo sticks, which the dancers use to create an intricate beat. The Filipino Cultural Society's co-president, junior Natalie Velasco, has worked diligently at coordinating the acts and transitions of the show. "'Sing Kil' is a very solemn dance," Velasco says, taking a moment to pause and reflect on the legend it represents. "No music, just bamboo. It is the story of a princess trapped in a forest. The bamboo represents the trees falling. She is trying to escape from them until her prince rescues her." Other dances are not as solemn, but require greater coordination. In "Binasuan," another traditional dance, girls emerge carrying lights on their heads. This routine demonstrates balancing skill and gracefulness. "Idaw," in contrast, is a warlike tribal hop, complete with sound effects and quick, controlled movements. The group also dances the traditional "Tinikling," or "bamboo dance," known as the national dance of the Philippines. In this number, dancers adroitly skip among bamboo poles that are clapped rhythmically like a jump rope - but taken to a whole different level. Freshman Katrina Sison notes the variety of the numbers: "They combine modern and traditional; it's a mix of different cultures and influences. That's what makes the show really interesting." The show is not just about dancing and singing; it has helped some students rediscover their backgrounds. John-Paul Fontelo, a senior, talked about the connection the Filipino Cultural Society has had to his own culture. To him and others, participating in traditional dances has evoked a greater understanding of the various traditions of the Islands. "While growing up, I was always aware of my Filipino background," Fontelo said. "I hadn't really been familiar with it. Although it is a small community, FCS at Tufts has really helped me to get in touch with my heritage; these opportunities are extremely important." He agrees that the theme of togetherness is the central core of the program in more ways than one. "A wide variety of types of people decide to participate in cultural activities at Tufts," Fontelo said. "It's not exclusionary by any means, and I think that's great. Different people come, not only because they share a background or an interest, but also because they know people and are friends with those who participate. It grows to be more than a club for just dancing, but a circle of friends." Prior to the show, at 6:30 p.m. in Alumnae Lounge, the Filipino Cultural Society will be serving traditional food from the Islands.




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Theater Review | Tolstoy adaptation connects 'Anna Karenina' to cigar factory workers

What do cigars and "Anna Karenina" have in common? In the 2003 Pulitzer Prize-winning play, "Anna in the Tropics," at the Boston Center for the Arts through March 26, the romantic relationships between eight people are examined against the famed Tolstoy novel. In addition to exquisite dialogues littered with profound analogies, the play itself is a quintessential example of exactly how strongly a piece of literature can affect people's lives. But how do the cigars factor in? Set in 1929, Cuban American writer Nilo Cruz uses this historical context to examine the sexy and sultry love lives of his eight characters, all of whom work in a cigar rolling factory in Tampa, Florida. The play begins with the excitable and eccentric factory owner's wife, Ofelia, played by Bobbie Steinbach, who is hiring (on her own accord) a "lector." Lectors would offer entertainment and enlightenment to the mostly illiterate workers in need of inspiration, making the presence of a lector in a Cuban cigar rolling factory a necessary tradition. The relaxed and tranquil nature of the owner of the firm and husband of Ofelia is expertly played by Dick Santos, contrasting sharply with his brother and business partner, the difficult and stubborn CheChe (Robert Saoud). Neither man knows about the lector's arrival until the new employee begins work. The lector, a charismatic man named Juan Julian, decides that the first novel he will read aloud is "Anna Karenina," which excites the workers. As soon as he begins, all of the various characters express their surprise at being able to lose themselves in the cold and wintry world of Russia despite their presence in a humid and tropical Florida. Being set in the Floridian heat, designer Susan Zeeman Rogers had to create scenery which was both functional and appropriate for both the period and temperature. The laid-back and free-flowing atmosphere truly comes through in the thorough and realistic set. Although the set is lavishly designed, it is easily moved and is flexible enough to be used for multiple scenes and purposes. Each character has a hot-blooded and fiery temperament which they effortlessly communicate to the other characters and, eventually, to the audience. While some characters are there for the audience to sympathize with on a straightforward basis, others are mysteriously seductive. Each is dark and enigmatic in his own way. Melinda Lopez plays a brilliant Conchita, whose femininity and sexuality emanate from her persona onstage. She eases in and out of every scene gracefully, and it contributes to her character's intensely seductive nature. Liam Torres is a strong Juan Julian and is able to convey a mature and sophisticated debonair attitude which would captivate any of his fellow characters. On the other hand, Angela Sperazza, who plays Marela, is clearly an actress who is playing a part for which she is simply too old. Her lackluster performance and overly immature antics onstage, along with a forced, trilling voice are distracting and detrimental to the scenes in which she appears. "Anna Karenina" is actually a focal point of the play. Much of the dialogue is dedicated to analyzing the novel and the plot of the play encompasses some of the underlying themes of the novel. There are also obvious parallels that are drawn between storylines. This captures the audience's attention and leaves the ending ambiguously dancing between the "real" fate of the factory workers and the literary plot of the novel. The characters, despite their jobs as cigar rollers, are almost unbelievably intellectual and use a pretty heavy-duty jargon of literary terms for analysis of the book. And while it seems a bit farfetched to see supposedly uneducated laborers discussing classic literature with such fluency, the language is beautiful nevertheless.


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Comedy Preview | Stand-up Mitch Hedberg sells out Cohen

Expect topics that range from one comedian's distaste for spaghetti to his yearnings to, just maybe, one day, put on a beret. Expect a total lack of transition between bits. Expect a lot from tonight's Spring Comedy Show featuring Mitch Hedberg, presented by the Entertainment Board, but do not expect to leave disappointed. Those in attendance tonight will recognize Hedberg from appearances on late night talk shows such as "The Late Show with David Letterman" and the now-defunct "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn." Hedberg, a St. Paul, Minn. native, has also lent his voice to Comedy Central's puppet prank call show "Crank Yankers," and has appeared on the station's "Premium Blend," which showcases various standup acts. Hedberg's 1999 debut album "Strategic Grill Locations" brought him to prominence at college campuses nationwide. His laid-back, sometimes admittedly "hit-or-miss" approach filled with bits on fire exits, instant oatmeal and cinnamon buns gathered a cult following, allowing him to consistently play to enthusiastic crowds that always leave with his "stoner-esque" voice drilled into their minds - in a good way. The comic's cult following is an understatement on the Tufts campus, as the buzz before tickets went on sale a week ago was considerable. According to Entertainment Board co-chairs Aaron Gest and Elizabeth Siteman, tickets to the show in Cohen Auditorium sold out in less than six hours on Thursday. Gest and Siteman aren't too surprised by the enthusiastic response. "Entertainment Board chose Mitch Hedberg to headline our Spring Comedy Show because of his unique style, hilarious one-liners, and consistently creative and new material," they said. "Mitch Hedberg is one of the top comedians currently on tour, making headlines wherever he performs, and we are thrilled to be able to bring him to the Tufts campus." Tonight's packed house at Cohen will likely hear a mixture of material from "Strategic Grill Locations," Hedberg's 2003 follow-up "Mitch All Together," and new material, some of which Hedberg might refer to as "throwaway jokes." Despite this label, some of these "throwaway jokes," often inserted when the wheels seemingly come off his act, actually tend to draw the best crowd responses. According to the Entertainment Board co-chairs, Hedberg's sets usually last between 60 and 90 minutes, and he will be the headliner following two opening acts, the names of which have yet to be released. The ticket demand for the Hedberg show was so great that many fans were simply too late. Although there were posters advertising Hedberg's appearance in buildings across campus by late last week, there were rumblings among those who could not get tickets that the show was not publicized well enough. "Entertainment Board is very concerned that some people were not made aware of the Spring Comedy Show," co-chairs Gest and Siteman said in response to complaints. They encouraged disappointed Hedberg fans to e-mail them and to recommend additional performers they would want to see on campus. And for those unfortunate enough to miss out on tickets to tonight's show: fear thee not. As many friends of Hedberg fans already have experienced, his quips and one-liners are irresistible to repeat, with many attempting to mimic the comic's trademark voice. With a fresh batch of wannabe-Mitches certain to be among the sold-out crowd at Cohen this evening, expect the Medford/Somerville campus to be infected with "Mitch-itis" all the way through Spring Break. "P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if 'Q' and 'R' were eliminated."-Mitch Hedberg.


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Dollars and Sense | Financial returns on a university education depend on effort exerted

According to a report released in October by the College Board, the average tuition for undergrads attending four-year public universities jumped 10.5 percent in 2004 with the average tuition at four-year private colleges rising six percent. Over the past 10 years, the net cost of attendance has increased by $1,000 for public university undergrads and $2,000 for private-college students. These increases have pushed up the average price of attendance to $11,354 for public colleges and to $27,516 for private ones. The rising costs of attending college may lead some to question if a college degree, and in particular one from a selective university, is worth the money.


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Photo of the Week | Guards

Brian Loeb, who is studying at the School of Oriental and AfricanStudies through the Tufts in London Program, took this photo of theChanging of the Queen's Guard in front of St. James's Palace lastSeptember. Police officers on horses usually keep the tourists back onthe sidewalk across the street from the palace, but this particularhorse was kind enough to pose for a picture as well.


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Theater Preview | Woyzeck explores the dark side of humanity

Pen, Paint, and Pretzels bring an eerie interpretation of a circus gone terribly wrong to life tonight in the Balch Arena Theatre through Georg Buchner's "Woyzeck." The play, which is often hailed as the first modern tragedy, follows the soldier Woyzeck as he is abused both physically and emotionally by the people around him through everything from verbal insults to sadistic scientific experiments. His only comfort lies in his friend Andres, who, in this version, happens to be only a figment of Woyzeck's imagination. When Woyzeck finds out that Marie, his common law wife, has been having an affair with the drum major, Woyzeck begins a rapid descent into the same madness that plagues his abusers. Written in 1836, "Woyzeck" has long been a challenge for directors due to the original state of the script, which was left incomplete when Buchner died from typhus at the age of 23. Director Brendan Shea, who has also directed such shows as "One for the Road," and "The Bald Soprano," has brought an entirely new and unconventional style to "Woyzeck" that teeters back and forth between the likes of a carnival, a cabaret lounge and a 19th century nuthouse. The set, which Shea described as "a decrepit fair ground," is littered with bark, a single blood-red stream of fabric and various wooden levels. Above the heads of the audience, light bulbs are strung diagonally like the lights that line the canopy of a circus tent. Shea stresses a theme of reality television in his interpretation of the script. There is something about the production that reminds its audience of "The Truman Show" in the way the ensemble uses Woyzeck like a lab rat for their own amusement. Shea described the theme in terms of exposing the use of "manipulation as entertainment." "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt," said Shea. Perhaps the most striking choice in interpreting "Woyzeck" is the use of music from the poetic and melancholy Tom Waits, who collaborated with acclaimed director Robert Wilson in creating a musical version of "Woyzeck" on his 2002 album, "Blood Money." Waits' music - performed and revamped by the band Small Change and the Electric Light - is played onstage during specific interludes in the show. The band consists of five members and uses bongos, keyboard, bass, violin, piano, and guitar to create a new twist on Tom Waits' music that the musicians described as "drunker and loungey, like it's happening out of thin air." Shea said, "[The band] takes each scene to a more figurative and metaphoric level," and compared them to commercial breaks during the twisted reality television-like atmosphere that pervades the show. Except for Woyzeck, Marie and Andres, the acting is purposely stylized, and the performers use unnaturalistic physical movements and jarring emotional outbursts to create an intense contrast between the best and worst aspects of human behavior. The ensemble serves to represent people who have given into the belief that humans are inherently bad, incapable of being good, and should therefore submit to their own desires. Woyzeck, on the other hand, tries to live his life contrary to this belief, but eventually fails amidst their overwhelmingly exploitative behavior. Actor senior Chris Babayan, who plays Woyzeck, describes the experience of being in the show as "incredibly exciting" and Woyzeck as a "villain and a martyr at the same time." Empathetic towards his own character, Babayan said, "He is painted as the villain, but there are deep dimensions of morality behind him." Junior Katie Semine, who plays the role of Woyzeck's common-law wife Marie, described her character as "pure," but easily manipulated by the assumption that humans are inherently evil. She said that once her character comes in contact with this evil, "It tastes good," which leads Marie to reason, "If I'm already bad, then I might as well do these things." Tonight's "Woyzeck" is an artistic and carnival-like interpretation of some of the basest consequences of being human. It is reality television and human nature at its very worst. At the same time, it flows with delicate music and moments of sincerity to tell the raw and haunting story of the man and the experiment named Woyzeck.


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Seven Questions with 83 Ossipee

Last week, the gentlemen had the spotlight on them. Some flourished, and some flat-out faded. Now it is time for some female ex-Tufts athletes to undergo the Seven Questions interrogation. One question, seven 83 "Ossipizzle" residents, here we go:1) Without the training and time commitment that went into your sport, what have you been doing with your time?Eliza Drachman-Jones aka "DJ Funkmaster Flex", Squash Co-Captain Now that squash is over I have a lot more free time. I've been keeping busy in a number of ways. I've been known to pickpocket a man every now and again, and ride the mechanical bull alongside D-Money Granoff, and most recently, I have been spending hours and hours in the gym preparing for a serious spring break trip to Panama City where I am challenging Lindsey Wolejko to a tan-off.Meg McCourt, Soccer Goalie Besides undergoing knee surgery and using quality time in the training room to stare at the hot lacrosse boys, I've been spending my free time lusting after Greg Hickey's friends from high school.Jen Baldwin, Soccer Forward The end of my women's soccer career didn't leave too big of a void. I easily filled it this spring with ECO, TDC, WMFO, a music ensemble, work/study, six classes, salsa lessons, baking cookies, filming a documentary, flying to the Bahamas, painting, presenting research, chilling at art galleries, paying parking tickets, loving wind power, and of course, having a go at intramural soccer (Liberacion!). But other than that, I've been picking through trash looking for recyclables and driving around campus in my SUV trying to educate people about the evils of fossil fuels.Jess Gluck, Soccer Goalie When I am not being accused of fraternizing with the hockey and Lax teams in the training room (my second home), I am at the Pizzle organizing activities to keep up our competitive edge. This Social Coizzle started Sunday Funday which has brought our entire house together, as we time and time again dominate over the 298 Boston Avenue boys in light hearted games, cake fights, and full costume karaoke!Becky Greenstein, Soccer Co-Captain and Midfielder Actually our training and competitive lifestyles have not ceased to exist. While we may not be getting dehydrated on the soccer field, dehydration still persists through our training on Team Flip This (No. 2 on campus), our street foosball games, and the occasional animal game. Life without soccer is definitely a transition, but this B-Gangsta is all up in the Ozzipizzle.Sarah Gelb, Soccer Co-Captain and Midfielder Despite what everyone else says, we have really conquered our soccer depression through eating and watching TV. It is true an occasional "going out" extravaganza does occur, but watching the "O.C." is truly No. 1 on our priority list, of course with the addition of our elaborate family dinners - always cooked by me. Give me food, give me the tube, and this G-Unit is all set up in the Pizzle.Alina Schmidt, Soccer Midfielder/Defense I've replaced our daily soccer practices by making a practice out of saving lives, and conveniently avoiding our community service punishment at the elderly community center. However, supposedly I missed out on the Valentine's Day dance filled with the electric slide and flirting with old men, but that doesn't stop the peeps from getting down with this A-Lean Back, A-Lean Back at 83 Ozzipizzle.


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The Secret Life of ... a Player | Making hunting for hookups into a science

It has been established that a number of reporting errors were made when writing this story. Click here for more information. Like Cube says, "pimpin' ain't easy." Playin' isn't for just anyone, but as a junior with three years of pimpin' practice behind him, Bill* has managed to perfect his system. It's always important to "have options," Bill said. Accordingly, at any given point in time, he's "working on" between three and five girls. Bill works primarily on the weekends. Weekdays are used to do background research and "plant seeds," a concept integral to the life of a true player: if you set yourself up correctly over the week, come Friday night, your mission unfolds with minimum effort. "Planting seeds" includes brief but witty interactions at the campus center and/or library. "Guys don't realize that they don't need to play it cool with most of these girls," Bill said. "Girls want to be chased, and a real player has the confidence to let them know when they're being chased." Bill's MO? Observe her, observe her friends, find out what kind of guys she used to hook up with. It's good to know what you're dealing with before you set the wheels in motion. If too much unwanted history comes up in the research phases, abort mission and find yourself another girl. Players don't have time for baggage. Bill sees Girl No. 2 on his list at a table in the campus center with her friends. Without hesitation he approaches the table, schmoozes her friends first (to keep her on her toes), then pulls it all together and re-focuses on his prey of the moment. He asks her about classes, some test she's been studying for, and a friend's birthday that's just passed (a player always remembers these kinds of details and asks follow up questions). Most importantly, he asks what she's doing this weekend. Conversations like these are followed by online flirtation. AIM is a player's best friend, allowing Bill to keep track of his projects through away messages and providing him with the opportunity to talk to many girls at once. A player should have plans by at least 10 p.m. on a weekend night. He should know where all of his girls will be and plan the order in which he is going to pursue his evening. Bill always has his girls ranked in order of preference, which is usually no more complicated than order of hotness. It's Thursday night; the beginning of the player workweek, and Bill has been planting seeds since last Sunday. Two of his girls will be at the same party. Some players couldn't handle this, but Bill looks at it as making his night's objective easier by cutting down on locations. Friends are touchy subjects. Usually, a player is wise to stay away from hooking up with two friends, but Bill said it's fine as long as you wait at least three months between hookups. "You'd be surprised how many girls love to ride on their friends' coattails," he said. "Because there's something taboo about hooking up with friends' exes, and because girls are so inherently competitive, a player can exploit this to his own benefit. It's always better when you know it's bad." Bill's first stop is a party on College Avenue. He shows up and chats around the room before eyeing his No. 1 goal for the weekend. He approaches her and begins to chat. She's very distracted, visibly intoxicated, and Bill's not sure if he has the energy to watch her stumble around and make a fool of herself until she's ready to re-locate upstairs. Bill flirts around the room, but all the while keeps an eye on his ultimate goal. He sees her grab a friend and head for the bathroom. Her face is red and eyes are watery upon their return. VOMIT. Vomit is a deal breaker for Bill. He says goodbye to lady friend No. 1, and relocates to the next party. She'll go back into the rotation for next week. Bill calls Lady Friend No. 1 to make sure she's still at the other party. She is, and because Bill thought to call ahead, she's at the front door awaiting his arrival. Since both are already intoxicated, this portion of the evening goes much faster. It involves screaming conversations in which neither party can hear the other, so strategic touching is used to let the other know the ultimate purpose of the conversation. Bill excuses himself to talk to Lady Friend No. 1, whom he spots in the corner. He's pretty confident that No. 2 will work out, but a player never wastes an opportunity for booty. Bill then goes back to No. 2, who has been eyeing his conversation with No. 3. Now she's nervous, and it's the time for Bill to make his move. He kisses her, and the deal is done. They make out for a little while at the party before Bill heads back to her room. Bill doesn't really have a preference about where the hookup occurs. "Your bed, her bed - it doesn't matter," he said. "The only reason to take a girl home is that usually she'll feel more comfortable in her own bed so she'll be willing to let go of her inhibitions more. A girl is more hesitant in your room. She doesn't know who might come in, or what might be going on in your sheets, especially if your bed is in a frat house. For whatever reason, girls feel more judged in frat houses." Bill doesn't have rules on whether he will or won't sleep with a girl the first time they hook up. "It depends on the situation, whether or not I think she's feelin' it or not," he said. "But I'll tell you, if she initiates, I never say no!" After the deed is done, Bill goes home. "I hate the sleepover," he said. "No one wants to be there in the morning. I'm making life easier for all involved." Occasionally, Bill will be on his way home from one girl's house and receive a late night call from another. The post-4 a.m. call is the mark of a true player. Thus is the life of Bill: he'll call again if he enjoyed the hookup and if he deems the girl hot enough for follow-up. He makes no apologies and believes that his lifestyle is really of no harm to anyone. "I never lie to girls to sleep with them - I never say anything that gives the impression that I'm looking for any more than I am, and there's no pressure," he said. "Girls can take it or leave it."


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The Tao of Saj | Spring broke

GONORRHEA! Sorry about that (especially if you have gonorrhea. Yikes.), but I needed to start the column off with a bang and I couldn't think of anything funny. Except for gonorrhea. Which brings me to today's topic: spring break.


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Baseball Preview | Jumbos set preseason sights on distant NESCAC playoffs

Spring is quickly approaching, and along with the promise of warm weather comes the start of a new baseball season. The Tufts baseball team will kick off its season at Lynchburg on March 18, and this year the Jumbos will look to extend the record of success they've achieved under the guidance of veteran coach John Casey. Casey surpassed the 350-career victory mark last spring, bringing his record to a 359-246-3 over his 21 seasons. He now sits in the top 40 on the all-time NCAA Div. III coaching victories list. According to Casey, a Tufts alum, the goals for each season remain consistent. "Our goals are to get to the playoffs," he said. "Those are our goals every year. We haven't adjusted them any lower. Last year, I thought we performed pretty well given the circumstances, playing the young guys that we played. So this year, we'll expect a little bit more out of them." Last season, the Jumbos finished with a winning overall record of 18-14, but did not break .500 in conference games, going 6-6 against their NESCAC opponents. The team ended the season tied for third place with Bates in the East NESCAC Division, following Bowdoin in second and Trinity in the top spot. Amherst finished second in the West Division in the regular season, behind Williams, and won the 2004 NESCAC tournament. The previous year, Trinity was the NESCAC champion, and in 2002, Tufts brought home the honor. Over the past 10 years, the Jumbos have earned two NCAA tournament berths, won three ECAC championships, and notched 229 wins. "Everyone's personal goal is just to make the team better," senior captain Bob Kenny said. "To be able to work as a team is pretty much the goal this year, all-around. [Also we want] to improve in the NESCAC; we finished third last year and didn't make the playoffs for the first time in a long time. Our goal is to just play hard every game." One challenge this season will be filling the shoes of the 2004 graduated seniors. The presence of 2004 senior co-captain Randy Newsom, a righty who led the Jumbos' pitching staff and signed with the Boston Red Sox upon graduation, will be missed. Newsom's co-captain, third baseman Adam Kacamburas, will return to his alma mater as an assistant coach this season. "Baseball is a game of experience," Casey said. "There's nothing you can predict, so you just learn by being out there. So that's a pretty tough thing to replace, but this year's group of seniors has been outstanding so far." Despite the loss of those two key players, the underclassmen last year showed tremendous potential and the 2005 Jumbos expect role-players to emerge this year. There are 16 returning lettermen, and several freshmen and sophomores played key roles for the Jumbos in all aspects of the game last year. According to Casey, the returning sophomores may find that their opponents are more prepared to face them now. "I think it's a little bit harder because people know [the sophomores] now," Casey said of last year's freshman class. "They'll get pitched to a little harder, but we'll look to them to step up." The underclassmen have plenty of role models this season. Kenny, in his fourth season as catcher, will lead the team on and off the field. His classmates, pitcher and outfielder Jeff Volinski and pitcher Jeremy Davis, will also play leadership roles for the underclassmen. "I feel that me being [the catcher] was a big part of me becoming captain," Kenny said, referring to the leadership and presence required of a catcher on the field in calling pitches and plays. "I try to help [the underclassmen] in any way that I can. I'm here for them, and they all have my number." Although Casey holds high expectations for the entire team, he will depend on the upperclassmen's experience to lead the Jumbos. "I expect [the whole team] to step up, but as [the players] get older, they get a little more perspective," Casey said. "We'll go as far as the upperclassmen go, and we've had great leadership with Bob Kenny and Jeff Volinksi and Jeremy Davis." "It's the best part of my day to go out and coach them," he added. "We're working hard, and we just try to do the right thing by each other. No one's better than anyone else on this team."


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Coulter, Beinart square off in debate on nation's moral values

Republican pundit Ann Coulter faced The New Republic editor Peter Beinart last night in Cabot Auditorium for a debate on the state of moral values in America. Assistant Professor of Political Science Deborah Schildkraut moderated the debate and a coin toss allowed Beinart to give his opening remarks first. "Morality isn't easy to define," he said. "The Bible says [morality] has to do with how you treat the dispossessed." Beinart went on to give statistics on the higher rates of infant mortality, child poverty and uninsured children in the so-called conservative red states, compared to low corresponding figures in liberal blue states. "States like Massachusetts and Vermont tax the rich more and spend more on poor children. States like Texas tax little and spend little," Beinart said. He said that under former U.S. President Bill Clinton, child poverty, crime, divorce, unemployment and abortion went down. "A recent study by a pro-life group found that two-thirds of women who had had abortions said they did so because they were afraid they could not provide for the child," Beinart said. "Now, abortion [and] divorce-rates are back up under this moralist [President George W. Bush]." He said that Bill Clinton raised the income tax while the Bush administration has given only a one percent tax cut to those who make under $50,000 a year while giving the top one percent of the nation a 30 percent tax cut. Beinart closed his opening remarks by questioning the Bush administration's military budget cuts, which have prevented a number of U.S. troops stationed in Iraq from receiving bonuses, the Family Separation Allowance, armored trucks and bulletproof Kevlar vests. Coulter opened her remarks with the usual one-liner her fans are accustomed to. "There's no one left to argue with on the Left - I've started to like liberals when they're afraid and shivering," she said. "I keep hearing Democrats say they couldn't get their message out [during the last Presidential election] - I don't believe that was the problem," Coulter said. "Was it a good idea to say it's our constitutional right to stick a fork in a baby's head?" She countered Beinart's figures on poverty in red states by calling it a "coincidence" and saying there was no causal effect. "It's like saying Ann Coulter lives in New York City, thus [New York City] produces right-wing lunatics. There were fewer poor under Bill Clinton because it was a booming economy - there are cycles. And if abortion is up, I don't see a relationship either." With regard to Beinart's criticism of Bush's tax cuts, Coulter said, "I don't see much of a correlation between tax cuts and a better economy. There were tax cuts under Reagan and we had a booming economy." Concerning Beinart's remarks on the Bush administration's military budget cuts, Coulter rhetorically asked, "Who cares more about the Iraqis being raped? Which party? [The Democrats had] a candidate who calls troops baby killers and rapists. Which party supports the troops?" Schildkraut then opened the floor for questions from the packed auditorium. One student asked Beinart whether he thought liberalism had any real thinkers left and if liberalism had entered a dark age. "I disagree with that. Liberals and the Democratic Party are not in power but liberalism does have ideas," Beinart said. "One of the most important ideas liberals stand for is equality of opportunity, for meritocracy. Republicans want an aristocracy of wealth that will be the revolutionaries' best friend in the end. Liberals temper capitalism with justice." Coulter disagreed with Beinart. "Yeah, [liberals] have ideas, but they're unpopular. Hillary Clinton and Howard Dean say they want to reach out to pro-lifers but they do it just so they can get them to vote for them. "Democrats are now living on the historical memory of what the Democratic Party used to be to convince themselves the party isn't insane yet," she said. The next question asked the speakers to give their views on Bush's No Child Left Behind Act, passed in 2001. According to the Department of Education's Web site, the aim of the bill is to "close the achievement gap and make sure all students, including those who are disadvantaged, achieve academic proficiency." The bill depends on some standardized testing to test this gap. "There is a value to standardized tests but it's good for bad schools and bad for good schools," Beinart said. "I agree with George W. Bush on this one, the No Child Left Behind Act will do more good than harm but you need to give bad schools the resources to pass the test - if not, it's a joke because bad schools will water down tests so [the bill] does no good." "Rich people don't want the No Child Left Behind Act because they want to buy their way into good schools like Tufts," Coulter said. "Is it a coincidence that rich areas have all the learning disabilities and extra time on tests?" The final question from the audience asked Coulter and Beinart whether they felt the regime change in Iraq was the right thing. "We don't know if Iraq will turn out to be a good thing or not. I think there's no question that if Americans had known there were no weapons of mass destruction or nuclear program in Iraq, we would not have gone," Beinart said. "It may turn out that this war we went to on false pretenses may have good consequences but it's still too early to know." "I am not wild about throwing American troops around but we had a lot of reasons for going in," Coulter said. "[Democrats] act like the weapons of mass destruction were the only reason. I think we may see a transformed Middle East by the end of the Bush term - it's like [the fall of] the Berlin Wall." "We haven't gone to war with Syria and they presumably have weapons of mass destruction," Beinart said. "We may not have to because we invaded Iraq," Coulter responded. After the question and answer session, Schildkraut invited the speakers to give their closing remarks. Beinart again went first. "Democracy in the Middle East is a wonderful thing. I am willing to give Bush credit for the wonderful sentiments in his inaugural address, but we can't tell others to change if we don't look at our own society," Beinart said. "It's no surprise people around the world are so cynical about America," he said. Coulter responded to this by saying that "a prediction that Osama [bin Laden]'s son will be elected is prediction 98 by liberals that's wrong. Kerry predicted no elections [in Iraq] by January in his presidential debates." She said that Democrats always accounted for Republican successes as good luck. "[The Democrats] brought you the Bay of Pigs, Vietnam, and turned their back to the Shah of Iran." "Keep voting Republican if you want good luck in foreign policy," Coulter said. The event was sponsored by Programming Board's Lecture Series.


The Setonian
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Baseball Preview | Offense

Last year, the baseball team compiled its 12th consecutive winning season, going 18-14, and much of this was thanks to the way the Jumbo hitters swung the bats, as the team scored in double digits in five of its wins. In 2005, Tufts will look to its offense once again to set the tone. "It's a new year, so we'll see what happens," coach John Casey said. "We've got a lot of returning hitters, and I am hoping we'll have a nicely balanced lineup." The team will be paced by several returning starters hoping to make significant contributions. Sophomore Kyle Backstrom led the team with three home runs and 28 RBIs last year as a freshman, while hitting .354. All three home runs came during one game at Babson College on April 27th. Fellow sophomores Bryan McDavitt and Chris Decembrele will also try to build on successful freshman campaigns. Decembrele lit up the stat sheet last year. The center fielder hit .298 with two home runs, 21 RBIs, eight doubles, a team-leading four triples and a team-leading 59 total bases. He also stole nine bases on 10 attempts. Decembrele is also an All-NESCAC linebacker on the football team. McDavitt hit .311 with one home run last year and should be near the top of the lineup. "We had some good freshmen last year," Casey said. "It'll be a little tougher for them this year because everyone around the league knows them now." Casey will also look to junior Matt Clement to be a spark at the top of the lineup. Clement hit .370 last year with 22 runs and six stolen bases. He also led the team with 40 hits. "Clement should be the catalyst," Casey said. "Also, [junior] Greg Chertok can run, so he may find himself near the top of the order. We have a bunch of solid hitters, so there will be some good competition as we near the opener." The major loss from last year's offense is third baseman Adam Kacamburas. The 2004 graduate, who is returning as an assistant coach, hit .322 and posted team-highs in doubles (10) and stolen bases (13). "His loss will definitely hurt," Casey said. "He was a big part of our lineup. He always set the table for us." Perhaps compensating for the Kacamburas loss, however, is the return of senior Greg Hickey after missing the 2004 season for undisclosed reasons. In 2003, Hickey was a third team All-New England selection as the designated hitter. He led that team in batting average, hits, RBIs and OPB. Hicky will fit into the mix by either catching or at the designated hitter spot, and should again become an anchor in the middle of the Jumbo lineup. Casey is unsure what roles the freshmen will play in the offense. "It is too early to tell," Casey said. "If the returning guys can handle it, then they can handle it. We will have a better picture on down the line. Hickey will probably make an immediate impact, though." With the large number of returning hitters, the offense should find itself in good shape for this season. The lineup is still relatively young, and each hitter will try to improve on his 2004 season.