Top Ten | Bands We'd Rather See At Spring Fling
April 1After the announcement that OK Go will be rocking Spring Fling, some of us here at the Daily Arts Department couldn't help but let out a slight sigh of disappointment. While a treadmill dance-off would bring Spring Fling to a whole new level, we couldn't help but put together a list of a few other possibilities that would have made this Spring Fling the best ever. 10. The Fray: Oh wait, NO. No sane person has ever wanted to hear The Fray, because their songs all sound exactly the same: crappy. 9. Blue Man Group: It's three bald, blue men, and odds are the audience will be pelted with toilet paper and Twinkies. It would make one hell of a mosh pit. 8. Ricky Martin/Jewel: After breaking it down with "Livin' La Vida Loca" (1999), Martin might just throw on a wig and become his alter ego — that's right, Jewel — and follow up that Latin pop with the calming "Stay Here Forever" (2010). Spring Fling could have two concerts for the price of one. 7. Gwar: Most people haven't even heard of these guys, but you should have. They dress up in monster costumes, do freaky stunts on stage and mumble lyrics in a devilish voice. If you don't believe us (which most of the Arts department didn't at first), go to their Web site and see for yourself. 6. Yellowcard: Though these punk rockers are on hiatus (why do you torment us so, Yellowcard?) they could totally rock Pro Row as if it were "Ocean Avenue" (2003) ... with their blonde, dyed haircuts, nasally voices and emo themes. Lame. 5. Michael Bublé: This doughy, Canadian tenor would class up Spring Fling. C'mon, he spells his name with a freaking accent aigu. 4. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch: All we want is for Mark Wahlberg to give up the whole acting gig and go back to his hip-hop days as Marky Mark. Having him rap shirtless on stage with his chiseled abs would definitely bring "Good Vibrations" (1991) to Spring Fling. 3. Zombie Michael Jackson Doing "Thriller" (1983): He was the biggest pop star on the planet while he was alive; just imagine how HUGE he'd be UNDEAD! No performance of "Thriller"would ever be as literally drop-dead amazing. 2. The Sound of a Babbling Brook: No, that's not the band name. And no, you haven't heard of them even if it was. Welcome to the new, super-hip age of music: the pure noise of nature. Brown University's Spring Fling has nothing on us. 1. Miley Cyrus/The Jonas Brothers (3D): Words cannot describe how happy we'd be if our Spring Fling became a "Party in the USA" (2009). Nobody can class up a joint quite like Miley with her kicks (not stilettos) and American flag backdrops. She may be the pinnacle of contemporary music. As for the Jonas Brothers, they did a 3D movie, and they'd be a fantastic continuation of our Disney-infused bash.
