Call them what you want — cradle robbers, cougars, manthers, gold diggers, jailbait, boy toys (or toy boys) — society loves to rag on people in relationships with age differences.
While a college senior dating a high-schooler would probably receive a few second looks, the accepted age difference for students in college can be hard to define. Is it weird to be involved with someone who's not your age, so long as he or she is old enough to register for classes and young enough to still be taking exams?
Most people joke about the skeevy senior guy preying on freshman girls and the double standard of women involved with younger guys, but when you really press the issue, the general consensus seems to be that it's normal for college students to date anyone else college-aged.
So why do many of us hesitate and think, "But he's two years younger/older…" when considering getting involved with someone?
A lot of it has to do with an experience gap, not an age gap. This is especially true for freshman, whose experience gap is the widest of anyone in college.
Most seniors would think twice about dating a freshman, not because of a three-year age difference, but because freshmen lack college experience. First semester, freshmen are still borderline high schoolers (sorry, guys).
I still cringe at my "perspective on college" three years ago, and I can't imagine going back to the frats every weekend. And how can a freshman relate to the senior stress of figuring out what to do next year in the real world?
But by spring semester, things even out a lot. It's not because freshman age so much in four months, but because they gain so much experience in that short amount of time. The experience gap decreases, and by sophomore year, all older students are pretty much on the same playing field.
When you're a senior, logistically, it makes sense to date younger. It's tough to meet people off campus, you've met most of the people in your class that you'll be friends with, and half the junior class is abroad.
The only other option would be considering grad students as an untapped resource, but have you ever tried striking up a conversation in Ginn?
I get it: Dating down is a little tougher to accept as a woman, and, admittedly, I was one of those girls who thought that guys two years younger than myself seemed immature but never gave a thought about getting involved with someone older.
Last year, I remember scoffing at the idea of getting involved with someone "born in the '90s," and now I'm eating my words by dating a sophomore guy. Maybe I have to swallow a little of my pride as I wait to get fobbed in at his dorm and endure a little light-hearted teasing from friends, but if the age difference were actually a nagging issue, I wouldn't be dating him.
Dating someone a few years older or younger means working a little harder to meet each other's (probably different) groups of friends as well as finding ways to relate to the other person. He's worrying about figuring out post-grad life plans? Well, you're worrying about picking a major, right?
But dating up and down has its advantages. As a freshman or sophomore dating someone older, think of the potential of a full-sized bed and not having to worry about that new sexiling rule. As an upperclassman dating someone younger, don't you miss Dewick as much as I do?
If you really want to make the most of your college experience, don't limit your dating pool to just your class. As the saying goes, age is just a number.
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
