Domestic Violence Awareness Month, October, is geared toward spreading awareness that domestic and sexual assault and violence are serious societal concerns that can affect everyone, regardless of stratifying categories such as race, class, gender, religion, political beliefs and sexual orientation. They are issues that must be addressed. By us. Right here. And right now.
There, we said it. Yet another global problem is thrown at the student population, as if it single-handedly had the magical ability to change the hearts and minds of millions of people worldwide or the institutional power to change or strengthen legislation. This isn't uncommon for our generation, and especially for our school, where many students spend as much — or, in some cases, more — time talking about the problems facing us and our world as they do actually working to solve or helping to solve them.
But we're not here to rant about or glorify the actions of some students over others. We are writing this op-ed because this is an issue that could affect us — all of us. For most of us, it probably already has. And for the rest of us? It definitely will. Whether by witnessing the side effects of an abusive relationship, helping a friend cope with scars from an abusive childhood that last a lifetime and surface every time he or she tries to be intimate or being directly involved with a couple whose relationship is abusive and/or violent, domestic and sexual assault and violence is inescapable. While it is a larger problem that takes more than the efforts of one or a few to outright stop these situations from occurring, we can influence and help decide on policies meant to protect victims and deter aggressors.
I'm sure many of you might be thinking something along the lines of "How is this more of our problem than anyone else's?" or "What if you're just another typical activist-oriented Tufts student trying to get me to go to one more event or rally around one more cause?" Well, if personal accounts do not work, there are always facts. We'll start with the more well-known statistics first, and move on to some you might not know.
Fact: On average, one in four women at a college or university will be sexually assaulted or raped.
Think: If you lined up your four best female friends, know that one of them will likely be a victim. Who will it be? Do you want to play that guessing game for the rest of your college career, if not your life?
Fact: The 18 to 24 age bracket represents around 12 percent of the U.S. population, whereas it represents 42 percent of the reported cases of violence committed by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Fifty-seven percent of cases of sexual assault or rape occur on dates.
Think: That's us, ladies and gentlemen. And all those supposed lovers' quarrels may be indicative of more than you think. No relationship is without its road bumps, but make sure that what you're witnessing isn't the sign of something much, much worse.
Fact: Around 75 percent of victims knew their attackers (estimates range from 62 to 90 percent, and many stay between 70 and 80 percent) and about 42 percent told no one about the incident. Don't get too optimistic about what you think the inverse means; only about 5 percent of rapes are reported to the police — a statistic that didn't change from 1980 to 2000, and likely hasn't changed since.
Think: Remember those four female friends you lined up earlier? Well, for the one likely to be a victim, chances are one of your buddies is the perpetrator. And people wonder why these things often go unreported, especially if 84 percent of men who are accused of rape think that what they did was not rape. Who are you going to believe?
Fact: Seventy-five percent of the men and fifty-five percent of the women involved in acquaintance rapes were drinking or taking drugs just before the attack.
Think: Yeah, we're a college campus, and let's face it: Drinking is part of many of our social lives, and when you're going out at night, the end goal is commonly to not go home alone. Additionally, when you get drunk, you're much more likely to say or do things you wouldn't when sober. (Peeing on a wall, anyone?) So a lot of people come dressed to impress, sexually hyped up, then after a few drinks they start to lose inhibitions and the ability to tell the difference between the subtle yes or no that could make or break the night.
Of course, it's a double-edged sword. While drinking lowers those inhibitions and could make it easier for guys to make a first move, in many cases they also report feeling more aggressive. To top it all off, many report perceiving women who drink as sexually looser and more active than women who don't. Now, rather than looking at alcohol as the excuse for behavior, perhaps we should consider that maybe men drink — and encourage women to drink — to ease their own consciences, and blame everything on the alcohol later on.
After all, he didn't really mean to do it; he was drunk, and that excuses everything. That narrative certainly can't be applied to anything else…
Fact: Twenty-two percent of men experience some sort of domestic violence during their lifetime.
Think: Women are not the only victims of domestic violence. Both heterosexual and homosexual men are victims of domestic violence in both romantic and familial relationships, but are much less likely to report abuse or seek help. Violence is cyclical — without proper support and counseling, victims can become abusers.
Fact: Ten percent of men are victims of rape; seventy-one percent of these victims were assaulted before age 18.
Think: If you lined up 10 of your male friends, one of them is or will be a victim of rape. Unfortunately, society largely ignores the issue of sexual assault and abuse in boys and men — these victims are conditioned to feel shame and can act out in self-destructive ways, including becoming perpetrators of violence. As students on this campus, we must deconstruct the image of a man and the constructed connection between masculinity, power and invincibility to create an environment where men feel comfortable sharing experiences in which they are vulnerable and have the needed support and respect to heal. As a society, we must identify and address the attitudes that allow sexual violence in boys to remain under the radar of our commitment to protect children from all types of harm.
Fact: Eighty-two percent of victims say that the assault permanently changed them. Vague, right? Let's put it another way: Thirty percent of victims contemplate suicide. Forty percent of rape victims contract an STI/STD. Eighty percent suffer from physical and/or psychological damage. Around fifty percent seek mental health treatment after the assault.
Think: Whether it's committed by someone you care about and love, or think you love, or by someone you don't know (which is quite rare, actually), domestic and sexual violence and assault is violating — physically, mentally and emotionally. Among the long-term scars are issues relating to physical intimacy and self-worth.
Yesterday, you might have noticed a few outbursts around campus that looked like relationship fights, or maybe something more serious. These were, in fact, situations of domestic violence and abuse portrayed by actors from the Social Justice Arts Initiative (SJAI), simply to bring to light the many different faces and forms of violence and assault. The actors and actresses were second-year graduate student Kris Coombs, seniors Khudejha Asghar, Emerald Carter, Christine Kim and Courtney Payne, and juniors Jason Roos and Nadia Nibbs. If you saw anyone else, then they were not a part of our program and the incident you witnessed should be dealt with immediately.
The point of all of this? Tonight, the follow-up to last year's Sexual Violence Community Forum will take place in Metcalf Lounge at 7:30 p.m., followed by Take Back the Night. We encourage all of you to attend to learn more about the issue, voice your thoughts, and, most importantly, learn what you can do to end the violence. Only through your own actions can you save that fourth or tenth friend of yours from becoming a victim. Do your part, and together we can create a better and safer Tufts for all.
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Kris Coombs, Jr. is a second year graduate student pursuing a master's degree in child development. He is the co-chair of the Graduate Student Council's community outreach program and a co-director of SJAI. Khudejha Asghar is a senior majoring in international relations. She is a co-director of SJAI.
