When we set foot on this campus almost four years ago for matriculation, we laughed and fidgeted in our seats, full of the same nervous excitement on the brink of "the future." I remember sitting in the sea of 1,200 other freshman, worrying about whether I would fit in and how to get to know the people sitting around me.
During matriculation, "the future" was right there in front of us. The campus may have been new and unfamiliar, but we could see the boundaries of our next four years from the top of the hill. New friends, flings and relationships that we were yet to encounter were all within a few yards of our seats.
We might have wobbled a little during freshman year in the adjustment flux and encountered a few tough challenges, but by senior year, most awkwardness had evolved into effortless swagger. We'd mapped out the best spots to study in Tisch, found friends across campus and perfected the house party pick-up line.
But this time around, the next step in our future is much broader than the campus bubble. Sitting in our Commencement seats, we're not concerned about whether the kid next to us will think we're cool and want to be friends. We're wondering how to meet people our own age with similar interests when we're beyond Tufts' boundaries. Perhaps more column-relevant, where can we find people who, you know … we could go on a date with?
For those of us single ladies (and gentlemen) moving on without the grad school cushion, it's like we're facing freshman-year dating and relationship naivety all over again, this time on a much broader scale.
This meeting-people-in-the-real-world issue has been a major topic of conversation among seniors, so I started asking more questions and taking mental notes when talking with classmates and recent grads.
First off, where do people want to meet someone that they would be interested in going on a date with? "Not a bar," was the first response I got from a lot of people. "Bars aren't where you expect to meet someone serious," a guy friend offered. As someone whose "bar game" is sorely lacking, this was encouraging.
Not surprisingly, people are interested in meeting others through similar interests and activities. It makes sense — after all, a lot of people in college meet through extracurriculars and classes, because they've already got something in common.
Meeting potential dates at work is logical, but after learning about "love contracts" in human resources departments in my business psychology class, I see reason to hesitate. Plus, if you work in a small company, there are few options.
So be a little more proactive about meeting people before resorting to dating websites. If you like nerdy or ambitious guys, go to a tech entrepreneur meet-up. If you're into sporty girls, join a social sports league. At worst, you'll meet new friends and polish old softball skills.
Recently graduated friends added that it's important to be more opportunistic. At school, we can get away with waiting until the next party or chance encounter on campus to make a move, because we run into people again and again. In the real world, that luxury isn't a given.
So create your own opportunities and take advantage of them when they arise, in planned activities or more serendipitous encounters. Why not strike up a conversation with that guy who catches your glance on the subway or at a friend's wedding? After all, chances are you won't run into him again anyway…
Freshman year, we met our classmates by introducing ourselves to everyone we met and signing up for too many extracurricular e-lists. Take a page out of our old orientation-week strategies and be just as friendly and proactive. Combine that with senior-year confidence, and you'll be set.
--
Emily Maretsky graduates today with a degree in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
