On Queer: On call-outs

Even in these times, I believe that most people are well-intentioned. We want the best for each other. We want each other to be happy, healthy and successful. We want to treat our friends and family well.

Yet, we have to acknowledge that we, as individuals, have unique identities that may result in different experiences. Our identities play a part in determining how we live, what we see and how we are treated. Gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, ability, background, family income and so much more. Our bodies are vessels that carry our personal perspectives, but they cannot carry those of anyone else.

So naturally, we do not always understand how someone else feels. If someone has one specific identity, maybe someone else’s experience is completely unrelatable, even unbelievable, to them. Inevitably, there must be effort put forth to see someone else’s reasoning behind the perspective they hold.

We all have felt invalidated at some point in our lives, albeit in different ways. For some, the pain is deeper, the trauma is collective and the violence is institutional. For others, institutional violence has never been a personal concern because every portion of their identity aligns comfortably within societal norms. For others, and arguably for most, our identities lay at an intersection in which we feel accepted in some ways, but excluded in others.

Especially when we are unaware of different experiences around us, we may be perpetuating harmful, oppressive behaviors. "Calling out" is the act of bringing attention to such behaviors to an individual.

Let’s demystify and destigmatize call-outs. First and foremost, the purpose of call-outs is to communicate to someone that a behavior is harmful. Nothing more, nothing less. I, personally, do not believe in shaming well-intentioned people. So, to anyone who never intended to cause harm that they may have been accused of causing, relax. Hold back the ego. It’s not a personal attack. We cannot be expected to know everything about how to avoid hurting people as individuals or as an entire demographic. The truth is, everyone has messed up and hurt people before.

Instead, a call-out is someone asking for one to stop participating in a harmful behavior. Making a call-out takes effort and bravery, too. A call-out is made out of love and trust, out of belief that whoever is receiving it has the compassion to understand and change. Those on the receiving end are assumed to have at least some capacity for respecting others.

As call-outs are a call to responsibility, what should one do after gaining awareness that a behavior is oppressive? If possible, stop doing it. In the moment, a quick apology and moving on with life suffices. Next, try to understand from the perspective of the survivor of violence. Maybe whoever made the call-out didn’t entirely explain why a behavior is oppressive, or maybe it isn’t entirely clear yet. Try to find resources either online, on campus or somewhere already available. Ultimately, respecting others is about treating someone how they want to be treated.