If you have good taste in television (or have friends with good taste), I'm sure you're very familiar with the rumors of an "Arrested Development" movie. Many fans are seeing this possible feature film as a godsend, a sign that there is still an outlet for some intelligence in Hollywood. While I was definitely among the voices crying out when the Bluths sailed off into the sunset back in February 2006, I must say that I for the most part am hoping that the rumors of an "Arrested Development" film stay just that: rumors.
Sure, in theory, I would love to see Lucille drink one more martini or hear Franklin's voice croon one last time. But nothing comes without a price. Another prematurely killed small-screen masterpiece (by Fox, nonetheless!), "Futurama," came back last year. For four years, fans had been left with an ending that, while too soon, was about the most emotionally satisfying finale one could think of for Fry and Leela. Then "Bender's Big Score" (2007) hit DVD stores last November and left a sour taste in everyone's mouth. Gone was the prior brilliance. Instead, the movie just existed to celebrate the fact that it was back (instead of showing us WHY we should celebrate it being back).
The movie rehashed formerly inspired devices to the point where they became meaningless. Not only did we now know that Fry and Leela never got together at the series' end, but any sentimentality at the end of the movie was lost, as we had already learned how ephemeral any union would be.
I fear an "Arrested Development" movie would have same fate. It would be like a drunken hookup. At first, we'd get a rush when "The Final Countdown" blared throughout the theater, but the next morning we would wake up feeling emotionally unsatisfied and regretting it ever happened. Please leave us our 53 episodes of perfection and that's it.
Of course, I don't think anything can stay dead anymore. It's like the zombie apocalypse in your living room. Just look at NBC and The CW, which dug up artifacts from the '80s and '90s ("Knight Rider" and "90210"), which for all purposes should have just stayed buried. I'm sorry, but I like my nostalgia over talking cars to be placed in the '80s. I don't need it invading my everyday life. A few years ago, I would have thought a return to the dated world of Darren Star's "Beverly Hills" to be a grotesque parody of Hollywood being out of ideas. I now realize that wherever a buck can be made, good ol' common sense has to take a back seat.
I also am fearfully counting down the days 'til, like the son in the "Monkey's Paw" (1933), the decayed corpse of Judd Apatow's "Freaks and Geeks" comes knocking on my door.
After all, with every college and high school kid in love with whatever new sex comedy Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen and Jason Segel put out, it won't be long until some television executive realizes the revenue potential for a one-part special-edition DVD box set, which sees what the characters are up to ten years later, coupled with a splash of name branding. Will I one day wistfully look back on when "Freaks and Geeks" was my little secret the same way I look back on my middle school years when no one cared who Stewie Griffin was? Until that day, I'll sit here and admire my long-dead TV gems for what they are: snowflakes -- small in size, unique in nature and easily destroyed.
