We've seen it a thousand times. Some no-name, young actress with striking blue eyes and impeccable — assets? — is cautiously tiptoeing through a dark room wielding a sharp object. Next, sinister music stirs a captivated audience as a dark figure seizes the girl, who shrieks shrilly. Everyone knows what happens next: There is a struggle, and eventually the murderer becomes the murdered as he plummets to his death falling through a nearby window onto a conveniently placed metal spike or is shot and slain by a dashing male friend of the heroine who she thought was dead.
Recently, horror films have become entirely too predictable. We acknowledge that once in a while everyone wants to scream and have a little bit of thrilling fun. But we have amusement parks for that. And good horror flicks. Does anybody recall the glory days of "The Shining" (1980) and "The Silence of the Lambs" (1991)?
In the following weeks, a couple of scary movies are coming out that are sure to succeed in the box office but fail to quench our thirsts for thrills and gore. "The Unborn" may very well be the stillborn child of "The Exorcist" (1973) and "Fiddler on the Roof" (1971). The film consists of a Megan Fox double being haunted by the dybbuk, an evil spirit from Jewish folklore, of her twin brother who died during childbirth.
We have several problems with this film. First, our bible, the Sacred Scriptures of Rotten Tomatoes, gave this movie a 14 percent approval rating. That means 14 percent of surveyed reviewers gave the film favorable reviews. To put things in perspective, "Death Race" (2008) tripled the score of "The Unborn" receiving a 42 percent approval rating. That's right. A film about a hardcore British convict competing in a deadly car race got 42 percent.
Furthermore, we have problems believing the story behind "The Unborn." Of course, we understand that this is the movie business and it's not reality. Yet, we still cannot get past one fatal flaw in the plot: the discrepancy between the twins' ages. In ads for the film, the boy is pictured as a young, ten-year-old kid, whilst his twin sister is probably twenty. We could understand if the boy were a fetus — an evil fetus, obviously — or if he were twenty like his sister. Are we supposed to believe that humans age more rapidly than dybbuks? We cry foul.
Also, watch out for "My Bloody Valentine 3D" and "The Uninvited." The former is nothing special; it has the stereotypical sexy teens, parties and even death by pickaxe. But hey, it's shot in 3D.
In "The Uninvited," everyone's favorite soft-core actress, Elizabeth Banks of "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" (2008), goes loco as an evil nurse/stepmother. Not since "Misery" (1990) has any female been cast as such a menacing character, but, when played by a comedic actress, we do not expect the antagonist in "The Uninvited" to give us goose bumps.
Horror films in modern America are similar to Winona Ryder's clothes: Their ideas are usually stolen and poorly presented. Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates in "Psycho" (1998)? Come on. We do foresee, however, a glimmer of hope in "The Wolfman," set to release in November. Although it is another remake attempt, it has a star-studded cast (including Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins) and is co-written by Andrew Kevin Walker ("Se7en" (1995), "Sleepy Hollow" (1999)). Until then, we've got our worn down VHS copies of "Halloween" (1978) to keep us awake at night.
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Zach Drucker and Chris Poldoian are freshmen who have not yet declared majors. They can be reached at Zachary.Drucker@tufts.edu and Christopher.Poldoian@tufts.edu.
